So then there's this

centerfielder08's picture

So what have I been up to?

I'm not sure how many of you here "know" me or how many of you I've actually had contact with. I can sense, however, that many of the regulars that used to be here probably aren't here so much anymore...maybe they grew out of it or some such thing. I dunno.

My apologies (as always) for being absent a lot. This time I really hope I can stay here. I know I always say that. But I hope this time I can make that come to fruition. In therapy and movies and such, they always say that writing is therapeutic and healing, cathartic, even. So I may as well give it another go, so to speak.

Let's see...
I'm on winter break from University right now. Its snowing where I live, which I absolutely adore.

So next semester I'll be taking 4 classes. One professor, we'll call her Dew, I've had previously, including this past semester, in which I went by Eli and male pronouns in her class. So I think, well, I assume that she'll know to keep that going. Then, there's Comb. I haven't met Comb, but I thought I heard from somewhere that she's super queer-friendly, but as I said, I've never met her. Anyway, I typed up a nice email, in which I asked to go by the name Eli and male pronouns. She wrote back a wonderful response and she's completely on board! That's 2/4 classes. Then, there's Guy. I've never met Guy and don't really know anything about him, like, at all. Lastly, there's Taurus. I do not know anything about Taurus and have never met her before. Heck, I don't think I've heard anyone talk about Guy or Taurus!

Both the class that Guy teaches as well as the one Taurus teaches meet only once a week. So I was figuring that I wouldn't say anything about name/pronouns/me being trans*, because if both of those classes are just one day a week respectively, then I wouldn't *need* to. This afternoon, however, I decided to take the plunge...to grab the bull by its horns...and sent an email to both Guy and Taurus with a note about everything. The note to Guy and Taurus were the same (except for the heading where I addressed the profs by name, and the part where I say which class of theirs I'll be in). They also closely matched the email I sent to Comb, but a tad bit less explanation into things.

Haven't heard back from Guy and Taurus yet. I'm feeling somewhat sick over it because a part of me wishes I hadn't said anything. As much as I don't want to be seen as a girl, it scares me to totally lose that facade of an identity in University. I have a feeling, however, that this hesitation and back-and-forth feeling is going to go on until I hear from them. So we'll see. (I try to tell myself not to worry, but we both know that's a joke).

Anyway...traveled to New York City recently, which was pretty cool. And we went to this one Chinese restaurant right in the city that was only okay (food-wise), but had the coolest fortune cookies. (I've been told fortune cookies don't exist in China and/or as part of an authentic Chinese cuisine, however I do not know firsthand). The fortunes were some of the most bizarre I've ever encountered! And, like always, I kept the fortunes, folding them nicely over one another (I kept some of the fortunes from my family members' cookies, as well) and shoved them in the pocket of my winter coat. My fortune even had the word "ain't" in it...I didn't know that slang was done on these fortunes!!!!

Let's see what else is new. I got all 4 wisdom teeth extracted (this Monday will be exactly 2 weeks). SO PAINFUL.

I'm having a ton of trouble with sleep. Last night I went to bed at 6am.

Around 5am or so last night (Technically this morning, I guess), I was going to the bathroom. Somehow, my cell dropped in the toilet and I diidn't realize this until I had already flushed the toilet. And I couldn't get it back. We ended up fishing it out today (YUCK). And so now I'm without a phone until I can get a new one. It's terrifying and yet so liberating.

Yesterday, I almost broke down after the thing happened with my phone. And I bet I can guess what you're thinking "its just a phone" but to me it represented much more, so much more than that. I have a fear of losing people and people leaving. And this felt exactly like that. And I couldn't even text some people for support during the crisis because I didn't have my phone. And naturally, at 5am, and being that probably like 99% of my friends live within the US, no more than 1 hour time difference with me, everyone was asleep. I had my computer and iPod and so I was waiting for Facebook chat to be populated with someone to talk to, but alas, no person uses Fb at 5 in the morning.

I am thinking of writing more but this is getting super long and, let's face it, is anyone still reading this? Be honest.

Well, yeah, that's how things are in a super super super abridged, abbreviated manner. Things in a nut shell, as they say.

I'm going to try my absolute best to discipline myself enough to keep up on blogging on here. Wish me luck with that.

~~Eli

Comments

Lehcure's picture

I was still reading as a

I was still reading as a matter of fact. :)

No worries about the emails to those two profs. It's winter break, so that's probably why they haven't replied. I'm sure they'll be supportive. I can totally relate with the phone being dropped and getting ruined; it does suck..thank goodness for replacements. Good luck!

centerfielder08's picture

:) awww, thanks! that truly

:) awww, thanks! that truly meas a lot.

Yeah, no reply yet. But I think they go back to work tomorrow, even though classes don't start back up quite yet.

I got a replacement phone yesterday morning! So that's nice. It's somewhat frustrating, because it seems as though quite a few of my contacts have been erased, though. :/

Happy new year!

hellonwheels's picture

I thought.

I had already responded to this, but I guess I did not. Time to re-read and reply. My bad...hell

Mental wounds not healing, driving me insane, i'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train- the ozzman

centerfielder08's picture

haha, no problem. how's it

haha, no problem.
how's it goin, man?

jacjessen90's picture

welcome back...

i readed the whole ting...and while i basicaly ditto the above coments, i also want to say, if you wish to resume our pm convo., i'm more than happy to.
~"i'm a real Witch, Before, During AND After my coffee!"