The Ultimatum.. Should I Shouldn't I?

DarkestValley's picture

So as you all Jake doesn't have a job with a respectable income, and thus at present is going no where in his life.

Now I am planning a holiday to Europe around mid June, just myself and my bestfriend, and I am seriously thinking of making him the ultimatum that if he doesnt have a respectable income by the time I jump onboard that aircraft I will be single entering Europe..

However I wanted all your thoughts first?

Is this wrong of me to have an ultimatum like this?

Many thanks.


Bosemaster42's picture


You are single regardless of when and where you may go. I'm not sure if a demand like that could change anything about his employment status.
Unless of course, your engaged or something. I know I don't care for ultimatum's, but not really sure how he would react.

jeff's picture


Ultimatums are never a good idea, since you then have to follow through with them, etc. If you're only in Europe on a brief holiday, not sure it's worth tanking your existing relationship to do it. Sounds like something he needs to address whether or not you have a pending holiday.

"You don't know you're beautiful." - Harry Styles

DarkestValley's picture



anarchist's picture


From what I've heard, it's pretty much impossible to get a good job in this economy. My mother tried for years and years, and just recently got one, only because of connections my father had.
Nobody can just whip out a decent job because you told them to.
Besides, there's more to success than just social and economic status. But I'm always the one with the unpopular opinions, anyway.

DarkestValley's picture

Lol it's not even a 'decent

Lol it's not even a 'decent job' I care for, just any job. Any job with a respectable income thats not involved in crime in anyway.
And yeah I would support him if he was actually trying to get a job but seeings as he doesnt want one at all, its kind of difficult.

elph's picture

And NO again!

Your options should always remain open. Don't make a commitment that you might later regret!

DarkestValley's picture

But it's so frustrating! I

But it's so frustrating! I work so hard for my money and he doesn't even lift a finger! Like fair enough if he was actually TRYING to get a job I would of course be supporting and motivating him, but he actually doesn't one....

elph's picture

I get the feeling that Jake... convinced that in his own mind he essentially "owns" you. And you, in turn, are enabling him in all his needs... but one!

Sorry... but love (or, at least, the idea of love) can do that. It's selective emotional myopia!

I'd suggest that you go back and review your thoughts of nearly two months ago:

Think seriously about just treating Jake as an "acquaintance." I think it will ultimately prove to be an exercise in futility to continue in the hope of re-programing his now well-defined propensities.

Bosemaster42's picture

Save yourself,

Time and energy by dumping him. His unwillingness to even look for work speaks volumes about his personality. I have a female friend in a similiar situation with the only exception being she had a child by this guy. He also has another daughter by a different girl and sees her once or twice a month. Guess who plays the role of caretaker and parent? My friend essentially takes care of his other daughter as well. He works now, because she couldn't due to having a baby. She still refuses to leave him, even after putting up with verbal abuse from him. Frankly, it's a no-brainer decision for me, but not for her. Don't put yourself in a dead end situation like that. Move on girl!