When I was a kid, I used to get a lot of flack from adults at school and at home because I'm shy and they would say I was anti-social and criticize me, saying I had to make friends because it wasn't normal. So I'd step out of my comfort zone and try to approach people, which would only result in me getting bullied. I seriously only had one real friend who I met when I was 9 but we lost contact when I was 11. There is this one person who has become my best friend but they live overseas and in my town I have no one except my dad and my therapist, and my dad works in Nigeria so we don't see each other much, anyway. It just seems like I'm always making an effort to meet someone and it turns out they could'n't give a crap about me. Like I'm always asking them how they're doing and if they're having problems, I give advice, and they don't bother returning the favor, not even to say "how are you?". So yeah, I get frustrated and embarrassed so I go back in my shell because this happens every time. I'm never good enough. And I've been alone for so long that most of the time, I don't care. But then there's this other part that's terrified that I'll always be this way, that there's no hope for me ever finding someone honest and genuinely kind. Sometimes this type of loneliness can't be filled by a person online, especially when I have nightmares and I need someone right here in the moment or when I have to keep the things I'm feeling locked up inside because I have no one to talk to at the end of the day. I don't know what I have to do to be good enough anymore.