Having Feelings for Him...And Her Too

ExpatMatt's picture

I went to bed early last night and woke up real early, it's 5:00 A.M. now. Perfect time to write a new journal on here.

This time I want to write about how I started having feelings for boys, and also had some feelings for girls too.

Like 86% of the boys in France I wasn't circumcised (butchered as I call it) when I was a baby, and when I was eight the skin was loose enough for me to...well...have good feelings. My father taught me how to keep myself clean and I haven't had any problems so far.

Around that time I was allowed to have friends over without supervision (I think parents can be put in jail for doing that in the United States) and naturally I wanted to show off the new trick I could do with my zizi, what boys here call their penis (La foufou is a real common name for a vagina, if you were curious about that). In school we had our first sex education classes which was just basic information, and I used the pamphlet they gave us about our bodies as porn. I wasn't the only boy doing that either.

Christian was the first boys I showed off my trick to and it wasn't long before we were touching each others zizis. We often sat in the hot tub doing it which added a new pleasure to it, and kept us clean haha. It wasn't long before I was teaching my trick to others boys from school. I also discovered that if you touched another boy's zizi and licked your fingers you could see what it tasted like. I really wanted to put one in my mouth but was too scared to try it.

My chance came with Isaac, who as a Jew was butchered as a baby. While the other boys and I could just glide the skin back and forth, Isaac had nothing to glide with. One day I asked him if he wanted to feel something really good, and with his eyes closed my mouth met his zizi. I didn't want to stop sucking on it but soon he made me.

He reacted really weird to it when we were done, not saying anything he just stretched out on my bed. After a while he asked me why I did it and I told him I wanted to me him feel really good...he smiled and told me it was my turn. Seconds later the sensation was too powerful for me and he had to stop.

From then on Christian and Isaac and I used our mouths on each other, but when we fooled around with other boys we used our hands. We knew what we were doing wasn't right but we couldn't stop doing it. We always would wash off before we did it, except I asked Isaac not to. Something about the way he tasted was really good to me.

We did other things too, my first kiss was with a boy. Sometimes we would stretch out on our beds and take turns putting our zizis between the others boy's pressed together thighs. it was our first taste of what penetration sex was like. Sometimes we did the same thing with the receiving boy bent over. Eventually we tried anal sex, but that was gross to us.

Isaac and I seemed to experiment the most, and after a while I had feeling for him that I knew I should be having for girls. I even did some things with girls, but it wasn't the same as being with Isaac and it was just kissing and some touching.

As we got older Isaac began to put on weight and I became even more attracted to him as his body began to look more like a girls. Isaac was the first among my friends to make sperm, and his first ejaculation was in my mouth.

In later grades when we had sex education homosexuality was discussed as something that happens naturally and was just how some people are, and that made me feel better about things. As I got older I had more feelings for girls, but what I felt for Isaac was more powerful. I still fooled around with Christian, and eventually his brother Tristan joined us. Occasionally there we other boys involved too.

In France kids and teens have access to free condoms and lube samples, disease testing, and what will probably shock many of you, abortions without parental consent. Honestly girls my are not too likely to go all the way with boys but some do. Most girls I know is on birth control pills and I have never seen a pregnant teen girl here. When I go visit my relatives in Florida pregnant girls are a common sight.

Next time around I want to write about what it's like for me when I came back to the United States for visits, and the memorable visit I had when I was eleven.

Thanks for reading!



elph's picture

For one who's only 14...

a bit precocious... huh?

I'm confident that many teens (gay or otherwise) over here are more than just a tad envious!

Be careful! And, don't get caught! Or, am I too late with that one?

ExpatMatt's picture

I think I've just been lucky

I think I've just been lucky but I know other boys have done the same things too, with other boys and with girls too.

I'm almost 14 by the way, my birthday's in March.


France is my home but America is in my heart.