I'm lonely.

anarchist's picture

I want real friends. People I can actually talk to. Not the shitty pseudo-friends who I talk to at school because I'm too antisocial to talk to anyone else. Why do I just now feel this way? I never get lonely.

And look at this:

It's things like this that make me feel even lonelier, even when I'm perfectly happy. I hate this.

Comments

elph's picture

Yeah... that pic could do it!

It's quite evocative... and it "worked" for me, as well!

I think you should compromise just a bit... and show interest (even if it must be initially feigned) in the social activities of those with whom you'd like to be friends.

I'm sure there must be some guys at school over which you've silently drooled... maybe only just a bit. :)

Make the effort to engage him/them in conversation over coffee in the school's snack bar (there is one?)... with your role being primarily that of "the attentive listener." Then... make an agreement to do something together (movie, snack, music, games) over a weekend...

One step at a time. If you choose wisely, you will likely be very pleasantly surprised... but friendships don't develop instantly (unlike spontaneous one-night stands)!

anarchist's picture

But there isn't really anybody I'd like to be friends with here.

They're all either nerds or douchebags. The nerds are fine and fun to hang out with, but I already talk with them and if anything, they just make me more antisocial. And the douchebags are pretty self-explanatory.

And no, there aren't really attractive guys at my school. I've already explained to you that my school is full of fatties, pimple-faces, plain uglies, and fat, pimple-faced plain uglies. Oh, and annoying rednecks. When there are friendly, attractive people, they aren't my type at all (by which I mean, they're far too feminine, which is a complete turn-off for me). So not much luck there unless I spontaneously happen to meet someone I've never seen before. And that's why I'd rather look for friends than anything transcendental of the term, as much as I would love the latter.

It doesn't seem fair, actually, that the females in general greatly surpass the males in appearance at my school. I almost feel sorry for those girls, except that I'm in a far worse position.

I think I could be an attentive listener; I literally don't speak a word during the first hour-and-a-half of school, and I'm silent on the bus. Unfortunately, though, there is no coffee or snack bar at my school. I'm pretty sure students aren't even allowed to drink coffee. It's too bitter for me, anyway, and too hot; I can very rarely consume a 12-oz. cup of it before it gets cold and disgusting.

MaddieJoy's picture

school-friends.

they will change your life. Make friends with whoever is willing, and you can discard them when you find someone better. It sounds mean but the kind of people you "use" always have tons of friends anyway.

The ducks will get you!

elph's picture

You do find it satisfying to socialize...

with the nerds. Your words:

"The nerds are fine and fun to hang out with, but I already talk with them and if anything, they just make me more antisocial."

I'm having difficulty in rationalizing this comment.

But you are socializing when you're hanging out with the nerds! How does that make you more antisocial?

Stick with them... and I'm willing to bet that you'll discover that you have more in common with a few (maybe only one... but) than you now think. :)

anarchist's picture

Because they don't do anything.

When I talk to people who stay in their house as much as I do, I can't do anything with them outside of school. Plus, since they're as antisocial as I am, I talk to new people even less than I regularly would.

elph's picture

You're presenting an enigma...

Intentionally?

Again… your sentence structure is awkward… deliberately so?

"…I talk to new people even less than I regularly would."

What's this "regularly would" stuff?

What I hope you wish readers to infer is:

"…I talk to new people even less than I wish I could."

Excuse my putting words in your mouth… :)

Whatever… I may be a bit lacking in my skills of perception (that's sarcasm!), but I truly believe you're worth saving. But… you have to play the game with me!

If you're presenting a "know-it-all" persona… or, "I'm smarter than you," or, "you're ignorant for not liking what I like,"… you're not going to attract meaningful friends!

Your (candidate) friends must "feel" that you respect their likes and dislikes no matter how bizarre they may seem to you. This can all be "worked out" once you are "talking" to each other… at the same level!

Maybe it has to be a game for now… but just give it a chance!

But... focus on those who you hope may turn out well...

anarchist's picture

I'm never a know-it-all.

Everybody I know thinks I'm an idiot. Maybe it's because I only talk about things that I really think are worth saying, or else I just feel like I'm annoying.

I think that's the whole problem. When I talk to other people, I'm just not myself. I have never had a friend I felt comfortable with talking about personal things. That's the whole reason I'm even on this web site. And I think it's why I feel so lonely sometimes.

elph's picture

You've got to become more self-confident...

I wish I had that magic wand that I could wave and make it happen...

Everyone --- both gay and straight --- deserves friends!

I've reached my "remote control" limits... you'll have to take over!

anarchist's picture

I know.

I feel like I'm doomed to be this way forever. I don't like being an introvert anymore. Maybe because I've moved so many times. I've never thought of friends as people to really get attached to.

Sorry about this, anyway. I just need to get my feelings out.And since I have no friends, this is where I do it.

Bosemaster42's picture

Perhaps,

The solution rests in you getting out more. Nothing beats a one on one conversation with someone, in person. All the online interaction is fine, but to meet new people/attractive people, one has to put forth the effort.

anarchist's picture

But there's nowhere to go.

And then even when I do meet new people, I'm just either antisocial or uninterested. I hate only caring about what's presently happening. It leads me to ignoring people when I'm uninterested, not worrying about times when I might actually want to talk to people. I know I'm the problem here, but I don't know what to do about that.

Bosemaster42's picture

Living in the present moment,

is the right thing to do, but awareness is the key. Sometimes just listening to people converse can lead you to the people who will pique your interest. Being confident is part of that too.
You mentioned that you've moved frequently and that does play a role in your inability to have really close friends. It makes it more difficult, for sure, but not impossible.
I have a friend, the last I heard from him, he was living down south near West Virginia. Prior to that, he lived in Memphis,TN. We first met up here in Massachusetts. He was hired at the gas station I was working at and I helped him get an apartment. His mother lived down the Cape in Orleans. She moved to Virginia, then to Tennesee, and last I heard she was out in Boulder,Co. I swear his whole family are like fucking nomads and I even told them that, but they are all very nice people. When I visited his mother down in Virginia, I didn't have to rent a motel room, she put us up for a couple of days. I met some of the most interesting people while visiting her.