Super Duck's picture

I haven't posted in a while. Not much happened, but I guess I have some stuff I can write about now, though. There's some bad stuff and some good stuff. I guess maybe I should say the good stuff first and then the bad because the bad involves death, and that's always kind of heavy.

My school names its valedictorian and salutatorian after the first semester. I don't know why it does that so early, but it does, and apparently it always has. Today at school, I was told to write a speech because I'm officially the salutatorian. Looking at the numbers, I beat my friend who was my main competition by a very, very small margin. I'm back on speaking terms with the "friend" who treated me badly, who already knew she was going to be valedictorian, but she's being crappy again, saying that it's not fair that I'm the salutatorian and that my other friend is going to hate me. Why is it not fair that I'm the salutatorian? What is unfair about that? I got all As last quarter. And the friend I beat really doesn't even care all that much. She was disappointed for maybe three seconds today, and then all was normal again. Personally, I thought it was a lot of fun to have such tough competition. Stressful at times, yes, but fun. I liked the feeling of needing to win.

Think about it, though. I have been dragged to hell and back at that school. The cruel kids, the sub-par classes, the depressing environment, the asinine policies, the FCG aftermath, the late night breakdowns, the anxiety, the world's worst science teacher, the teacher telling me that I would never go anywhere in life, the teacher telling me that I had no morals and that I'm a "moron", the lack of encouragement overall, the abject misery with what seemed like no foreseeable end... Fear is one of the most powerful motivators. I never could have achieved salutatorian status if I wasn't so afraid of getting stuck where I live.

(Although only someone who sucks at everything as much as I do would spend an entire day feeling smart and good and then go and make a D on a test.)

So, the bad thing now... A long time ago, a couple months after I first joined Oasis, my mom was dating a guy she met online. The guy himself turned out to be not so great, but his kids were awesome. I was 15, so they were probably 10 and 12ish. I'm pretty bad at remembering ages because it's been quite a while. That would make them what, 13 and 15 now? Around that, I guess. My mom just told me that she heard from some people she knows that live in that area that older one committed suicide earlier tonight. It's really sad. I'm shocked to hear that, honestly... It's always shocking to hear something like that. I didn't really know him very well since I only knew him for a few months several years ago, but I remember him being a really great kid. When I knew him, he was funny and charismatic and really not how you'd expect a boy his age to be. I haven't seen him in a few years, so that's just how I remember him, but I always had tons of fun with him and his brother, even though sometimes they were a little too energetic! Out of the children of all of my mom's various boyfriends and my dad's girlfriend, I think this kid and his brother were my favorites, if that makes sense.

I think I'm going to go to bed now. I just needed to update since it's been a month, and it was bothering me a little about what happened to that boy. I needed to write it down somewhere.

Edit: Actually now it's unclear whether he committed suicide or not? Like, the way my mom said it made it sound like it was a suicide, but today I've been hearing conflicting information as to whether or not it was intentional. Still very sad either way...


hellonwheels's picture

God damn, Duck....

I am sorry to hear that, and very sorry for your loss. I mean, I have had so many friends choose that route, taking their own lives, sometimes over vvery petty and stupid shit, but it doesn't change the impact that they can have in a short time on one's life. My friend matt, R.I.P., I only knew for about a year, but he had a substantial impact on my life and I will always remember his snarky, sarcastic attitude towards life and the pranks that he loved to pull. He was a true punk rock type of kid, didn't give a fuck what anybody thought, etc.

If you can, I would contact their dad and see about going to the memorial, or at least writing them a letter expressing your condolences. And how is it not seeming like a suicide?

BTW, been listening to these guys a lot lately, making a hell of a difference.

Mental wounds not healing, driving me insane, i'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train- the ozzman

Super Duck's picture

It was a suicide after all.

It was a suicide after all. The dad confirmed it. But before the dad explained what happened, some people were describing it as an accident. I'm not exactly clear on why he did it. My mom told me what the dad said. Apparently, the kid had been acting kind of strangely, and when his mom tried to figure out what was wrong, he just freaked out and did it. It's always really sad when someone dies like this. And he was really young, probably the youngest person I know of who did this. He was still just a kid, really, not even old enough to drive or anything yet...

I don't think I can go to the funeral because I'm not really allowed to talk to the dad. My mom is thinking about going, though, but she might not be able to because my sister is sick.

hellonwheels's picture

Well, I would at the very least contact the family...

Despite your mom's feelings and express your condolences. I have sadly been around far too many successful? suicides in my time. 10 of my friends are gone due to cutting, pre-meditated suicides, and events that werer later found to be a suicide in a note. But uit is an epidemic in this country among the youth, at least here in the northwest I know it is for sure. I lost 13 kids in my 4 years of high school alone, many of those to suicides.

It scares the shit out of me to admit it....I was 8 the first time I attempted suicide, and have contemplated it many times since then...Sad to say, the only reason I am still here is I saw the effect of suicide on those left behind far too many times.

If you aren't able to go, and your mom isn't able to go, definitely write them a letter. Something with a positive memory of them is always a plus.

Once again, Duck, I am sorry for your loss. Suicide is rough.

If ya need to talk, you know where to find me


Mental wounds not healing, driving me insane, i'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train- the ozzman