Today I got in a huge fight with Caitlin. What she said really hurt.
She texted me saying "Well I guess I should just rip the bandaid off and tell you"
I replied "Tell me what.?"
She said "I'm with someone already... btw you don't have to invite me to your bday party. Prob hate me now anyway."
And of course that really hurt. Broke my heart. Like I mean seriously. I couldn't breath or think of anything but oh my gawsh. My eyes flooded with tears and I was out of it. I tried to put soap on my toothbrush and brush my hair with it. Who says that? Like it's no big deal.
So I said "F**k you caitlin."
And what do you know? She laughs. She puts "Lmao. Good. You hate me now. Now you can move on and be happy. Thats all that matters."
After that it went downhill faster than a rolling ball. Lots of words were sent back and forth. In the end, she said she lied to me. That she just wanted me to hate her so I could move on and find happiness. I told her that I didn't want to move on. That I was happy the way I was- being her friend and talking to her.
I'm probably crazy and stupid but I really wish we never broke up. We were so happy together. Then one day she disappeared. I'm not naive or oblivious. I admit my mistakes to her and try to fix them. But apparently it wasn't what I did. It was me. And she's right. Suicide isn't the answer to anything. I'll keep my promise.
(I used to be a cutter but when we met I promised her I wouldn't cut if she wouldn't drink anymore. It's been that way for me ever since but she was caught drinking a couple times during our relationship by me. I let it go.)
Promises were made to be broken.