So, I went to the first GSA meeting at my school today. It's too early to form a solid, conclusive opinion, but I'm pretty optimistic. Of course it figures that everybody knew everybody and formed their little groups, me being the only one without a posse. It was actually mostly sophomores, several juniors, and only two seniors, including myself. So I'll have to convince one of my friends to join me at the next meeting. I don't know who though.
Before the meeting, all throughout the school day, I saw flyers for the GSA shredded to pieces, just lying on the floor. It really pissed me off, needless to say. And during the meeting I learned that a small group of homophobes were going to protest outside the classroom we met at, but that never happened, because they're cowards, of course. Nonetheless, a security guard was posted outside the room to be safe. It saddens me that such a precaution needed to be taken. They also threatened to actually come into the meeting just to out people and spread vicious rumors.
I can't believe how much hatred still exists. I realize now that I've been so lucky. All of my friends and 99% of my family have been so supportive. It's been so easy for me to be proud of who I am because I've never been challenged by anybody before.
I'm glad that a lot of people showed up, even if we were sorely lacking seniors. There was a new student, a transgendered girl, who was tormented ruthlessly at her old school (I'm assuming she prefers female pronouns). She was cornered against her locker on a daily basis and received death threats on Facebook. Sickening.
So yeah. I'm optimistic. Even if we can't reach out to the rest of the school in the way we might want to, it's still a huge source of support for kids. A safe zone.
In other news, Brittany has broken up with her boyfriend. Yeah. I invited her to dinner last night with Katie and I, and she told me, in these exact words, "I have just broken up with Jake. Well, sort of. So I'm really not in the mood for wings now. Sorry." So I asked her if she wanted to talk about it, she said it's too soon, and I told her I was always there for her, as I always do, and she said thank you. The end.
I don't know what the sort of means. Maybe they're just taking a break? I never really understood the concept of "taking a break." But I feel wrong, because it actually made me...well, happy. I was happy because for now, at least, I don't have to compete with him for her attention, although she's been really preoccupied anyway. I was happy because that stupid irrational part of me thinks that somehow their breaking up gives me a better chance, even though I thought I had established the certainty that she'd never date me.
And my friends really did not help today. They kept saying that being her shoulder to cry on will win me her heart. And they were being serious. Gah. Shut up. Don't put any shady motives in my head. I'm going to be there for her because that's what she needs, not because I'm planning on winning her over.
So yeah. Bottom line is my best friend's heartache is my happiness. Awful. I can't bullshit this and say that nothing that makes her miserable could ever make me happy. Being giddy about the situation makes me feel gross. Well, maybe not gross. Snaky. Insidious. Conniving. Selfish.