radiosilence95's picture

So, I went to the first GSA meeting at my school today. It's too early to form a solid, conclusive opinion, but I'm pretty optimistic. Of course it figures that everybody knew everybody and formed their little groups, me being the only one without a posse. It was actually mostly sophomores, several juniors, and only two seniors, including myself. So I'll have to convince one of my friends to join me at the next meeting. I don't know who though.

Before the meeting, all throughout the school day, I saw flyers for the GSA shredded to pieces, just lying on the floor. It really pissed me off, needless to say. And during the meeting I learned that a small group of homophobes were going to protest outside the classroom we met at, but that never happened, because they're cowards, of course. Nonetheless, a security guard was posted outside the room to be safe. It saddens me that such a precaution needed to be taken. They also threatened to actually come into the meeting just to out people and spread vicious rumors.

I can't believe how much hatred still exists. I realize now that I've been so lucky. All of my friends and 99% of my family have been so supportive. It's been so easy for me to be proud of who I am because I've never been challenged by anybody before.

I'm glad that a lot of people showed up, even if we were sorely lacking seniors. There was a new student, a transgendered girl, who was tormented ruthlessly at her old school (I'm assuming she prefers female pronouns). She was cornered against her locker on a daily basis and received death threats on Facebook. Sickening.

So yeah. I'm optimistic. Even if we can't reach out to the rest of the school in the way we might want to, it's still a huge source of support for kids. A safe zone.

In other news, Brittany has broken up with her boyfriend. Yeah. I invited her to dinner last night with Katie and I, and she told me, in these exact words, "I have just broken up with Jake. Well, sort of. So I'm really not in the mood for wings now. Sorry." So I asked her if she wanted to talk about it, she said it's too soon, and I told her I was always there for her, as I always do, and she said thank you. The end.

I don't know what the sort of means. Maybe they're just taking a break? I never really understood the concept of "taking a break." But I feel wrong, because it actually made me...well, happy. I was happy because for now, at least, I don't have to compete with him for her attention, although she's been really preoccupied anyway. I was happy because that stupid irrational part of me thinks that somehow their breaking up gives me a better chance, even though I thought I had established the certainty that she'd never date me.

And my friends really did not help today. They kept saying that being her shoulder to cry on will win me her heart. And they were being serious. Gah. Shut up. Don't put any shady motives in my head. I'm going to be there for her because that's what she needs, not because I'm planning on winning her over.

So yeah. Bottom line is my best friend's heartache is my happiness. Awful. I can't bullshit this and say that nothing that makes her miserable could ever make me happy. Being giddy about the situation makes me feel gross. Well, maybe not gross. Snaky. Insidious. Conniving. Selfish.


hellonwheels's picture

well, at least your GSA they showed up/.

There was much ado about nothing at my local c.c. A bunch of kids, and by that, I mean about 5 people, made a big show of join our GSA one day in the cafeteria. A few kids and I showed up for the first 'meeting' and nobody was there, the lights were all off, and it pissed me off. I returned every week. And every week, every time the GSA was supposed to meet, nobody showed. they also never responded to my e-mails, so I gave up.

That does suck about the ignorance of those people though. what assholes.

Mental wounds not healing, driving me insane, i'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train- the ozzman

radiosilence95's picture

That really sucks, man. All

That really sucks, man. All just a practical joke, probably. However, it just takes one dedicated, courageous person to get a REAL one started. That dedicated, courageous person could be you...

hellonwheels's picture

It wasn't a joke....

but still nobody showed...idk. they even had a gay professor in charge of overseeing it.

and it could be me, but not likely. lol.

Mental wounds not healing, driving me insane, i'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train- the ozzman

MaddieJoy's picture

the same thing happened to

the same thing happened to me, but I kept going week after week and I got really depressed. I wish people would have the guts to show up.

The ducks will get you!

Dracofangxxx's picture


Miche just broke up with her boyfriend this week, too... This is so creepy :0

Anyways, I'm glad the GSA meeting went well! I hope it ends up to be an awesome place for you.
That's redick!

radiosilence95's picture

Our lives are just too

Our lives are just too similar sometimes. We really need to catch up, by the way.

Yeah, I was hoping to meet a cute girl or two there, but over half the GSA is straight kids, or unattractive sophomores :\

It'll still be really good for me though.

FlyflewAway's picture

where is the llama?

maybe u could set up a wild crazy adventure where she could take her mind off things, call her up and set up a day and ask her if shes down for a surprise adventure to take her mind of things dont tell her what tho just promise her that she will have a blast, i trust that u know what kind of activities shes into, check out free art gallerys in your city or an awesome park u know she hasnt been 2 yet?

taking a break is defined differently in each relationship
some people get back together after they realize how much they care for the relationship and some people just use it as an excuse to discreetly drop the relationship and softly tear the victims heart into lil tiny itty bitty pieces(i hope its not to obvious that i was done wrong in this exact manner). that will be all. i bid u goodnight madam.

I'd never lie to you
Unless I had to, I'll do what I got to
The truth...is you could slit my throat
And with my one last gasping breath
I'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt - Tbs

radiosilence95's picture

It's where the title is.

Well, problem is I can never get her away from her studies. She's in college, so she's ALWAYS busy with either school shit or her job. Finding any free time is nearly impossible lately.