I have had a very interesting and fascinating revelation about myself in the past few weeks.
~~~~~~~~~~ COMMENCE VANITY SEQUENCE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I've almost been living a double life for quite some time, without even realizing it. You would think that I, of all people, would be able to observe such parallels existing in my everyday life. You see, very seldom do I actually write about the other side of myself, Warren. I tend to reveal my inner thinkings of my drug additictions, sexual experiences, and other encounters with vices on this site. Most likely because I find there are few other outlets to safely reveal my raw emotions towards such matters. But the other Warren is never heard from. The Warren that is pure, innocent, harmless, and of chastity. In essence, the Warren my parents had only seen for all these years.
My parents are loving and accepting of myself, there is no denying that. But such love and acceptance runs ironically alongside their desire to control my disposition. And mold me into their vision, not my own. They deny such doings (I have accused them many a time by using religion to accomplish such things) but I know in my heart that there is the underlying motive to turn my into a PG rated, placid version of who I am. I love my parents, but I'm starting to really resent their interference with my life.
I'm not one to easily be put into place. I am headstrong. When someone tells me to do something, I do the opposite. My parents seem to believe that grounding me and locking me away from the world will help suffocate my desire to do the things that I do. All it does is make me even more hungry to act out. I'm not some sort of milly-vanilly, stepford suburb kid. I'm the opposite.
I'm trash. Garbage. Nasty. Spitfire. Boisterous. Creative. Energetic. Quick. Rebellious. Humorous. And above all, I'm hungry to live. And I'm finally okay with being all of those things. I'm caught in two worlds of myself. The sophisticate, philosoph side of me, and the tongue-in-cheek, adventurous side of me. Not multiple personalities, just survival instinct. If I was a fraction as crass and harsh around my parents, I wouldn't be here. I'd be in Timbuktu learning some shit about Politcal Science in a boarding school.