Juxtapose

ElsaGabor's picture

I have had a very interesting and fascinating revelation about myself in the past few weeks.

~~~~~~~~~~ COMMENCE VANITY SEQUENCE~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I've almost been living a double life for quite some time, without even realizing it. You would think that I, of all people, would be able to observe such parallels existing in my everyday life. You see, very seldom do I actually write about the other side of myself, Warren. I tend to reveal my inner thinkings of my drug additictions, sexual experiences, and other encounters with vices on this site. Most likely because I find there are few other outlets to safely reveal my raw emotions towards such matters. But the other Warren is never heard from. The Warren that is pure, innocent, harmless, and of chastity. In essence, the Warren my parents had only seen for all these years.

My parents are loving and accepting of myself, there is no denying that. But such love and acceptance runs ironically alongside their desire to control my disposition. And mold me into their vision, not my own. They deny such doings (I have accused them many a time by using religion to accomplish such things) but I know in my heart that there is the underlying motive to turn my into a PG rated, placid version of who I am. I love my parents, but I'm starting to really resent their interference with my life.

I'm not one to easily be put into place. I am headstrong. When someone tells me to do something, I do the opposite. My parents seem to believe that grounding me and locking me away from the world will help suffocate my desire to do the things that I do. All it does is make me even more hungry to act out. I'm not some sort of milly-vanilly, stepford suburb kid. I'm the opposite.

I'm trash. Garbage. Nasty. Spitfire. Boisterous. Creative. Energetic. Quick. Rebellious. Humorous. And above all, I'm hungry to live. And I'm finally okay with being all of those things. I'm caught in two worlds of myself. The sophisticate, philosoph side of me, and the tongue-in-cheek, adventurous side of me. Not multiple personalities, just survival instinct. If I was a fraction as crass and harsh around my parents, I wouldn't be here. I'd be in Timbuktu learning some shit about Politcal Science in a boarding school.

Comments

jeff's picture

Hmm...

I don't think it's all that rare to have different sides of your personality. You're just supposed to like them all.

But I do have to say one thing. Once you're older, we should never ever sleep together. Like ever. ;-)

---
"You don't know you're beautiful." - Harry Styles

Bosemaster42's picture

Duality,

is our inherent nature. It's important you recognized this about yourself and embrace it, rather than trying to fix it or fight it, which always seems to have the opposite desired effect, I believe.
Warren sounds like such a nice guy too. Gently allow your parents to see a glimpse of the other side of Warren. Your right, I think, in resisting their attempts to control or change you. Simply tell them you need to evolve on your own from now on, but you appreciate how much they care and love you.

lonewolf678's picture

This...

Well I think we all have different sides of ourselves, the one we share with parents, the one for friends, and the one for the significant other, et cetera. I think I get what you're feeling, but I'm crap at writing that I get it. :-\