Most of us would like to think that our parents are the most trust worthy of all people and would do nothing to disrespect and or go against that. Sadly, that would sometimes mean having to live a double life to please them.
When I was in grade 9, my sister decided to run away one day and live with her boyfriend. I believed there wasn't anything wrong with that aside from the fact that she ran away as opposed to talking it over and planning it with our mother. And decided to put her boyfriend ahead of her education. I believe that an adult is rightfully entitled to a partner, freedom, and privacy but ultimately your education the solid foundation for your future. Something many can fall back on whenever situations are not favorable.
Unfortunately, after this change my mother had undergone severe PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) wherein she believes even the smallest problems are inherently tied to something that my sister had once done. Consequently, she believes I’m bound to follow in her footsteps. For this reason I've become more careful about my choices and ensure I closely watch every step I make though, naturally…I am human and so, naturally bound to make them.
This caution I approach my decision making with bleeds into many upcoming significant decisions about my individuality, such not being able to easily explain who I am to my mother, because:
A.) I may risk getting shunned and disowned.
B.) I fear my mother will blame herself as a parent, and once again
believe another child will have disappointed her.
C.) My brother will be left to suffer the consequences (if my mother has a
negative response) which will, in turn cause her to penalize my
younger brother over every small step he makes.
All of the above, and more leave me but once choice- to continue living in duality so my family can be happier and have one less thing to stress about.
From all this, I ask myself ‘Is that morally right to lie about your identity if it prevents the possible destruction/tension between family?’ When does the end justify the means? They say the road to hell (if there is possibly even an afterlife) is paved with good intentions…but when is that line crossed? When do good intentions twist into immoral or wicked ones?
Perhaps the question lies not in ‘When’, but rather in ‘How’. Maybe, I will one day be able to approach this problem with more answers than questions, but for now…my questions remain unanswered.