So There's This Girl...

jazzybchick's picture

Next week is Valentine's Day. And of course our school is selling Valentine Grams. I bought two today. One for my bestie (wifey) and the other for this girl. She and I used to be pretty tight. We had a fight around my birthday in November. Her name is Eloisa. I love her so much (like a friend). But as I think about it now, I realize that we were much more than friends. We held hands a lot, kissed cheeks, hugged longer than necessary, and flirted on several occasions. You might think that it's nothing but I recall times where we acted more than just best friends. Here's one I remember...
Last Year in 2011, we (dance team) were rehearsing for the Winter Concert. There's a lobby before you enter the actual theater. Varsity was in the lobby. JV was in the theater using the stage. I was sitting down because I wasn't in this particular dance. (I was not in trouble. I choreographed a tap dance while they learned this dance that they were practicing.) I was sitting in the front row with my legs in between the seats, where the armrests are. I was chilling and watching the girls practice and giving them tips on ways to improve. Eloisa is a total rebel and I love that. That's why we got along so well.
Anyway she came down and sat on the available chair space in front of me. At the time, she knew I was bi. So she started grinding back into me. I was stupid to let her do that but I didn't care at the moment. She was saying stuff such as "Do you like the way I dance?" "I can do my sexual look for you." That was our inside joke. When she focuses really hard, she has this sexy look on her face. She had a teasing tone in her voice but she was laughing so I played it cool.
I said "Yeah I do. Show me." But all she did was grind harder and I was laughing really hard. I told her that I was going to bite her. And she dared me to. So I bit her neck.
Believe it or not, she moved next to me and whispered in my ear, "Wanna make out in the dressing room?"
It wasn't the first time she's asked me that but this time she seemed pretty serious. (Now that I think of it.) So she left into the dressing rooms back stage. I waited a little bit and got up to follow her. I was wondering which dressing room she went in. The boys or girls.
But she opened one of the doors and pulled me in. We were giggling like crazy. She walked closer to me and asked "So are you gonna kiss me or what?"
I hesitated. Because 1) I really wanted to kiss her. 2) I was afraid of getting caught. I wasn't out yet. 3) I had a girlfriend (Caitlin). And 4) I didn't want to ruin our friendship.
So I said "I have a girl."
Eloisa said "I know. But are you sure you don't want to?"
Me "I do but what about us? Our friendship?"
Her "Oh yeah. You're right. Let's go."
She held my hand and we walked back to my seat. That was the end of that. No we didn't kiss. I didn't cheat on my girl. I held back. For weeks, I regretted my decision in a way. I wanted it so bad. That was the last chance I got. I still wonder what her lips would've felt like against mine. (Sigh)
So I'm writing my feelings to her in a Valentine's Gram. I'm anonymous. Cheesy I know but I need her to know. No guy treated her right. I know I could. I miss her....
Any good (and nice) advice or ideas?

Comments

hellonwheels's picture

Just try and find some way...

to express your feelings for her, but do it in a subtle way that won't seem too strong. Like a poem or something....that would be the way I would go about it, but this coming from me whose had all of three or four relationships in my life. lol.

Mental wounds not healing, driving me insane, i'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train- the ozzman

jazzybchick's picture

Thanks

I just can never find the right words or a good poem that explains how I feel. It never gets it just right. I'm not much of a poem writer myself. I think it's a lot easier to just be blunt. I'm not going to be like "oh i love you. We shoud get married one day and have kiddos!" Yea no lol
-Chapin is my name. Don't wear it out ;)

hellonwheels's picture

Well, neither am I....

But that's why I take the advice of my 10th grade science teacher and quote khalil gibran, or some other famous poet. haha.

Mental wounds not healing, driving me insane, i'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train- the ozzman

jazzybchick's picture

Sounds good

I wrote her a nice letter on her Valentine's gram. My friend thought it was a great idea. I hope she likes it.
-Chapin is my name. Don't wear it out ;)

FlyflewAway's picture

clever gal

i love laminated bookmarks with flattened out dried flowers =)

I'd never lie to you
Unless I had to, I'll do what I got to
The truth...is you could slit my throat
And with my one last gasping breath
I'd apologize for bleeding on your shirt - Tbs