Okay, here I am again! I've been really busy with school, and spending time with Matthew and Sarah, which is really what this journal is all about.
Before I met Sarah, girls and especially doing anything with one never really crossed my mind. My heart was entirely with Matthew and ravaging his body in every imaginable way hehe.
It's different now. Sarah and I have done quite a bit of different things together, and the girls have a deal where what Sarah does with me Emily does with Matthew. I guess they don't want to create any chance of jealousy? Emily's nickname for Matthew is "The Tongue" but I knew that was a good name for him a long time ago ;-))
Sarah and I have done everything except go all the way, which I know she's not ready for, at least physically. Not to be gross but she's not loose enough to insert a tampon, and there's no way Sam Jr. will fit either.
Honestly, I'm glad...but at the same time disappointed. Matthew's finally able to take me into his...well...you know...and once we figured out how to do it we occasionally go down that road. We fit together very well, and now that he's grown some it's easier too. But now there's this part of me that wants pussy, and not just Matthew's.
I've been having dreams where I'm...umm...plowing her with Sam Jr. but she has Matthew's face, and I have that dream every night. I've even had wet dreams from that. Matthew and I have a deal where we can do what we want with the girls and we don't consider it cheating because it's not another guy, but going all the way with them would change things and I'm not sure how?
And yes I'm scared shitless about knocking her up! I think we all are really.
So here I am, torn. I would really like things to go back with the girls where we were just in a smokescreen relationship to quell the rumors of us being gay and them being lesbians, but now we're way too close to even think of things as being a charade. I know Matthew and I are still close, just and Sarah and Emily are, but the idea of being bi is scary. It's also open the door to things like an open marriage someday and us having kids.
And as I have said before, Sarah is a very pretty girl.
I think that last sentence says quite a bit.
It also scares me.