Sometimes I think, "hey, maybe I'd like to have a family when I'm old; I hear great things about them." Then I remember that families include other people who I have to actually care about, and that's something I want to get away from, since I have so much of that right now. Nope. I want to die alone. Maybe with a romantic partner or something. Not planning on marriage, either, so that isn't a definite. (And I'm planning on killing myself before I get old. I don't want to die of natural causes, so I'm planning on one day going skydiving and not pulling the parachute.)
This brings me to the next topic. It's always been a goal of mine to have a life of my own partly for the reason of being able to find boyfriends without the hindrance of an unknowing family. However, after contemplation of that earlier this week, I noticed that the whole idea just seems even more disgusting than that of becoming a family man. I don't know what, but something about going out and slowly getting to know someone until possibly I can get close enough to them for a relationship to emerge just seems like absolute torture. Especially going to a gay club or something, which seems like a rite of passage for gays. I know that shouldn't be compared to acquiring a meaningful, memorable relationship, but that one just seems like a process that seems infinitely worse than even dating. Maybe I'll be alone my whole life, but right now, listening to Aphex Twin, that seems alright. I'll have friends, but someone who actually spends large portions of my life with me, or even living with me, may never happen.
Also, I'd still like to try some drugs. There's a guy (with really good taste in music) to whom I talk a lot in one of my classes who told a story of a time he was on acid. Something relevant may occur in the future.
Here's a really nice song; it's the one I was listening to while writing this:
I think that's all I have to write about. I don't know. Tell me how good that song is or something.