I appreciate the comments on my first journal and also the humor! It feels great to finally be part of the gay community.
When I had to repeat second grade I was lost for a long time, then finally I just accepted it for what it was. I was bored learning stuff I already knew and just tried to cope, but it was hard. Having to listen to my friends talk about what they were learning and not being a part of that left me alienated. And the thing between my legs that would suddenly swell and embarrass me without warning continued to bother me, especially when I was looking at boys when it happened.
Life went on for me and nothing really dramatic happened until I started fourth grade, and then I met the friend that changed everything. Justin was an overweight mixed race kid-White mom and Brown dad. I don't like to use terms like African-American or Black so I use Brown instead.
Justin and I were just instant friends, we liked the same sports and stuff and we both had outcast status. We also lived near each other, and that made spending time together after school easy. My mom worked and went to nursing school and his mom worked two jobs so we were used to being latchkey kids. We were among the poorest kids at my school.
Everything changed for me one winter day when the heating system at our school wasn't working and we were given the day off. Justin called me and told me he had a surprise for me and when he came over he made me swear on my mom's life that I'd never tell anyone about it. I knew this was major.
Justin closed the drapes in the living room and put a DVD in and told me I'd love this. The movie that came on was called "Dorm Secrets", and it started with this guy talking about girls and sex and stuff and then undressing and rubbing himself, which was something I didn't even know was possible. It was funny hearing him use words we knew were bad like "fuck" and "shit" and "pussy", but seeing him cum on his chest just blew my mind. I didn't really understand what I had just seen.
There were a few more scenes of guys doing the same thing, with all kinds of bodies but my favorite was this really overweight guy with a junior that looked like mine and watching him made my heart beat so hard I thought it was going to pop out of my chest!
When the movie was done I was just in shock as what I had seen, then Justin asked me if I wanted to do what we saw those guys do...we ended up in my bed and Justin did it for me. I was the best feeling ever and Justin explained what I had just felt while he took his hand to himself.
From then on that became a regular after school activity for us, and we gradually did more and more things, inspired by the dirty movies we watched.
Over time we watched some different movies and learned how to do stuff we knew was wrong but felt too good to stop.
I'll be writing more about this in future entries, but for now I need to stop.