Today is March 20th and today is also the day that my boyfriend has left for rehab for the next four and something months. I am not sure how to feel right now, because I miss him dearly already, I miss his hands and his mouth and his voice that says 'I love you' and 'You are the world to me'. I am sad that he is missing from me. But he is safe, and love is winning, and for this, I am blessed. The last words he said to me as he left were 'you saved my life'.
In some ways I feel like I have come home after a long journey in a troubled land after everything. I have seen the withdrawals, I have heard the moaning and groaning in pain, felt the body of the one I love grow so feverish and so cold within instants, seen the tears, touched the soft, painful bruises at the injection sites. I have watched as people I know have faded into ghosts, have watched clever eyes gaining rings every week passing, pupils smaller and smaller. Not to mention the more horrible aspects of human nature, which I don't even want to approach in this journal.
But I have loved and waited, have been angry and later forgiven. I come out of this unscathed and untouched by the tendrils of opiates, but have witnessed this gilded palace of sin from too close. It is time for me to rest and gather my strength for whatever life has in store for me next. Today is a good day.
I wish you all every kindness, and to be especially kind to yourselves. If you are sad and lonely, remember that someone, somewhere, wishes desperately to have even one aspect of your life that you may take for granted.