4/23/2013

emilikee's picture

She pulls me out into the hall outside of the cafeteria.
“Do you like me?” she asks
I dart my head left and right while blushing uncontrollably. Partly because the love of my life just talked to me, but also because i was embarrassed “Shhh!”
She stares at me, confused.
“Okay,” i start to whisper to her “I have a killer crush on you,” this makes her blush.
“So, you are gay too?” she whispers smiling
I don't know what to make of the situation. It is like all of my secrets are pouring out.
“No, i am bi. Now you and Harry are the only ones who know. Do not tell anyone. No one! Do you hear me?”
She nods. “But when are you planning on coming out?”
I close my eyes “ i don't know”
“Well, i hope it is soon. I like you too.” She smiles at me and gets closer.
My body is tingling. How did she know that i like her?
I kiss her and she kisses back. It is the best thing i have ever experienced.
We stare at each other with lust in our eyes.
“So,” Sam starts “I like you, and you like me, be my girlfriend?”
“I really want that but,” i stare down at my shoes “i'm not out”
She looks upset, “oh, right.”
I grab her hand and start leading her back into the cafeteria.
“What are you doing!?” she says.
“Coming out.” i say back.
We stop in the middle of the cafeteria and i turn around, pull her in and kiss her. Sparks fly and...

The bus jolts me back into my sad life. I can't stop thinking about her. I can't stop thinking about how i am going to come out.
I know Sam and I will never be. She is a senior and i am a freshmen. She barely knows i exist.
I haven't told anyone about my crush but i have told one person about my orientation.
My best friend, Harry, is the only person who knows that i am bisexual.
Here i am, sitting alone on this bus, fantasizing on my love that could never be.
My heart skips a beat when i see her in the hallway. When our eyes happen to lock, i immediately pull my phone out of my pocket and pretend that i am checking it. All i am really thinking is how much of a fool i made myself by jolting my head away so fast.
She has started to notice me more i think. Especially after other other day:

I walked into the bathroom right as she was leaving. When i saw her i practically shut down. She said hi as i walked past her. I tried to say hi back but the words didn't come out.
I locked myself in a stall and almost cried at my stupidity.

I think she was staring at me today. But, i don't know.
I usually pretend that i am looking out the window when i am really looking at her.
I like the days when Harry isn't there. then i could just look at her without having to worry about anything except her looking back at me.
I wish that my crush could be on a boy. I really do. But it sucks because i think that i have fallen in love with this girl.

*Changed people's names for reasons of being more anonymous*

Comments

MaddieJoy's picture

been there

done that. Sucks right?
Great writing, keep it up & welcome to Oasis!