I have not forgotten about Sam. I look down every time i see her. She probably thinks i am scared of her or something but really, i am scared that she won't like me back. Every day, I daydream of being with her. I dream that a year from now, i will send this message:
i know that you probably don't remember me. I’m the girl who sat a table over from you at lunch your senior year. I have been holding this in for a year now. I know you are graduated but i have never stopped thinking of you. Sam, i have had an aching crush on you from the first time i laid eyes on you. I knew i had no chance. I was a freshmen and you, a senior. I was fat and probably not your type. I have am now fit and more confident. That is why i am writing you now. I really like you. Go on a date with me? I know this is weird. I know that you will probably turn me down but i just want to get this off of my chest. i'm only rambling because i'm shy and i really like you. Any feedback would mean the world to me.
I hope i will get to be with her one day. Even if it is just as friends. I know in my heart that she is an amazing person and i just want to talk to her. Even if she gives me a simple hello i blush. It is depressing that i am so shy. I have not come out yet. Not as bi, not as loving her.
I close my eyes and sigh. I just can't stop thinking of her...
Every time i look at her profile picture on Facebook, i imagine her telling me that everything is going to be alright. Then i cry because i know that is not the truth. Everyone is just so judging. I confine how i really feel into short paragraphs in this journal. It helps, but then i am taken back to reality and i realize, i can't be myself like i do in here.
I do not want to come out. Harry and i used to be close, now he is distancing me. Or am i distancing him? It is just so uncomfortable every time he brings up how i am bisexual. I makes me nervous to talk about it because you never know when someone else is eavesdropping. I wouldn't even tell a therapist if i had one. This situation just seems so, awkward...
*Changed people's names for reasons of being more anonymous*