My Mom

Agona_d's picture

I really don't know know what to do.

I came out to her around last Christmas, and she doesn't... she doesn't talk to me about it at all and when I try to broach the subject with her it's all awkward. Lately it seems like she's trying to show more attention toward me like she's trying to show some kind of support, but it doesn't feel like she's accepting me. It feel's like she's trying to humor me and doesn't believe me.

I don't know what my parent's feelings are exactly toward Trans people but I do know that they don't exactly have a very good opinion of gay people, I remember a while back when Chaz Bono was on dancing with stars I asked them what they thought of him, I can't remember exactly what my dad said I think it was something about Chaz being disgusting, and my mom started mumbling something about God and the Devil and Evil influences.

I really want to help my mom understand and hopefully get her support before I try telling my father or the rest of my family so any advise I could get from any of you would be awesome.



jeff's picture


The only option you have is to ask her, really. Anything beyond that, it's really up to her to work on it.

Of course, if you come out, and then ignore the topic for ages, that does give them an opportunity to write it off as a phase. So, giving people their space is a tactic that often backfires.

I would just tell her you want to tell other people, but want to make sure she's ready to support you if necessary, and what does she need you to do to help her get there.

Chaz isn't gay, he's a heterosexual trans guy, no?

"You don't know you're beautiful." - Harry Styles

MaddieJoy's picture


definitely trans. He used to say he was a lesbian though.
Welcome to Oasis, btw. Hang around for a while and we'll all help you out. However, a little more information would be helpful. For example, I can't really tell if you're gay or trans, and they are a little different as far as advice goes.
Go ahead & PM me if you want to talk!

elph's picture

This does get confusing... no?

Here's where labeling becomes a problem:

If two people possessing similar external anatomy become amorously involved (either in fact or yet-imagined), we would have said "gay"... right?

If one or the other of then undergoes a sex "change" (either in mind, with surgery, or through hormones), should the term "gay" (for them) be abandoned?

I don't know the answer... nor do I know if it's important. But I would like to know what the language mavens have to say.

jeff's picture

Separate issues...

There is sexuality and gender... one doesn't dictate the other.

So, once you identify as transgender, then no one should assume to know your new sexuality.

For many people, the attraction stays the same, though. So, if they were a gay male, and into men, and then they become a trans woman, usually still into men, but now it is a heterosexual interest in men, since they are female and into men.

So, they should be treated independently.

"You don't know you're beautiful." - Harry Styles

elph's picture

Yeah... I'm still confused

It seems that there remains a muddying between what one might wish to assume to be fact (i.e., verifiable) and the dictates of polite protocol which are not universally understood.

jeff's picture

It's pretty easy...

If someone tells me they are a woman, I go with it.
If someone tells me their sexuality, I go with it.
If your name is Keith, and next week, you say call me Arthur, I'll say hi Arthur.

On a personal level, that's pretty much all you need.

"You don't know you're beautiful." - Harry Styles

Agona_d's picture


Thanks Jeff and everyone else.