Nothng Memorable in Coming Out

meeko488's picture

I knew there must be something wrong with my sexuality when I was young.. It even became stronger during the prepubescent years until I became a teenager.. As a Christian I knew definitely that something like this is not tolerable and though contemporary views that sprouted obviously defend that it's alright to be gay.. I decided to come out when I was a young adult but all I had afterwards were regrets... I've never been in a serious relationship in either gender but I have done some not so serious things with the same gender.. I knew it's wrong but my urges eventually get me.. Ive cried about this a lot and had been into searching for answers about what really made me into this...Thinking about my future cud be bleak cause my chance of getting into a hetero relationship is dire... I dreamed of having a normal family one day and have kids and be able to love a lady... Though I'm no shemale or effeminate but the difference is the attraction I held with the same sex... I used to be obsessed with handsome guys and I feel less man enough whenever I look at them.. At some point I wanna be like them and I can't reach the ideals I want to emulate so I feel less man enough... Cud there be any chance I can love a girl the way a straight man cud?.. will I still change and be able to feel normally like straight guys do?... My parents knew about my inclinations and they accepted me.. I understood their acceptance but I knew they are hurt on the inside... No parents wud have wanted from the start to give birth to a gay or lesbian kids... It sucks to be like this and it's driving me mad... It's holding me back into a lot of things which cud have done me good academically, professionaly and personally.. I dont have confidence in so many things which I often associate with my sexuality... If only God can personally talk with me face to face i cud have gone asking him this basic question about my sexuality... Help me....

Comments

Bosemaster42's picture

Welcome Meeko,

It would be difficult for me to guess if you are capable of changing, with regard to your sexuality. If you're attracted to guys and you don't feel the same urges with a female, then you were most likely born gay. It's not something you can turn on/off like a faucet. I understand your wanting to emulate heterosexual men, but it's difficult when you don't have the built-in hetero desires. This doesn't mean you 'Can't' have a family of your own making. It's just more of a challenge.
I believe, you may have some self-esteem issues. Something you could talk to a counselor about, preferably someone who deals with LGBT issues frequently. Your religious beliefs could be one thing that's hampering your ability to accept who you are, which is necessary for you to be happy.
Your sexuality shouldn't prevent you from doing anything academically or professionally, for that matter. You may find that 'You' are the one who is holding yourself back from doing things that would be of benefit to you.
Work on accepting who you are and things will get better, there's no need of feeling guilty for having needs. Guilt is a false emotion.

jeff's picture

Well...

It is hard to fix what isn't broken.

You can have a great family, a career, a relationship, good grades, and a satisfying life... once you accept yourself. Being gay isn't the resistance to these things. Your negative thoughts are.

If you're religious, it seems a bit strange to wonder why God screwed up on you, when it is you who can't accept what he already does: That you are made in his image, capable of love, and perfect... if he sees it, why can't you?

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"You don't know you're beautiful." - Harry Styles and God