Something Is Rotten in the State of Denmark

radiosilence95's picture

My social life seemed to peak during the last week, only to plateau again. Last Tuesday was my eighteenth birthday so I endured the obligatory family gathering to celebrate. My cousin's boyfriend decided to invite himself without bothering to inform anybody and showed up in the middle of our dinner just to eat our food. He didn't speak to anybody but my cousins and he was very curt when anyone else tried to start conversation. He left without saying a word of thanks, because I guess a nice "Thank you for letting me eat six slices of YOUR pizza" is too much. What a douche. I really hope that when my girlfriend's family is kind enough to welcome me into their home and share a meal with me, I show my appreciation. I know I'm not much of a conversationalist, but my goodness.

Wednesday I hung out with some friends at Panera, then I went to Judd's house, y'know, the pot dealer, and hung out with him and his twin brother.

Then, Thursday night I invited ten friends out to dinner. I paid for everyone's meal because I'm charitable like that (mind you, the food was cheap). We went back to my place after dinner and goofed off until ten. It was actually a really fun evening, considering I never entertain guests. I was surprisingly the life of the party and it was great. At least now I know I'm not totally incapable of socializing with large groups of people.

Brittany was there. When she arrived at dinner, she acted like the fact that we hadn't seen each other in four months didn't matter. She talked to me as if nothing had changed, as if we hadn't argued or failed to spend time with each other face-to-face in such an long time. I don't know if that's good or bad. And all throughout the night we kept making eye contact. I'd glance over and find her looking at me when I was locked in a conversation with someone else. Twas weird. Probably doesn't mean anything though. She probably just thinks I'm unbelievably attractive.

I can't tell you how being around her after so long felt because I don't know what I was feeling. We didn't get to have much one-on-one time so we never really had any personal conversations. Plus I was having such a good time with everybody I really didn't focus on feeling...things. I guess I was...relieved to see her again without any tension? Relieved, angry, happy, nervous, giddy, bitter, all at once. And when you feel contradictory things like that all at once, it's kinda the same thing as not feeling anything at all.

Like I said, I didn't focus on analyzing Brittany-esque thoughts since I was having such a great time with everyone. I FINALLY gave her her Christmas gift and she loved it. Her gift to me was a plushy and a blanket from one of my favorite cartoons. The fact that I spent so much money on her gift is actually really embarrassing now. I mentioned to her how her gift has been collecting dust in my closet for so long, but I felt worry after I said it, since I guess I'm forbidden from saying anything that reminds her how little we get to hang out, lest she feel "guilty" or "shitty."

Who knows when I'll see her next. We're going to Chicago in June together, so it might not be for another two months.

When everyone left and the laughter stopped, I immediately felt empty again. And alone, but maybe not lonely. Maybe I should throw parties more often.

And Saturday I spent the day in Springfield with another friend. So yeah, my social life last week was really active. I don't expect much from this week though. But it was nice while it lasted.


jeff's picture


Yeah, sounds like June to me. Unless she cancels. ;-)

Sometimes I don't contact people for a long time, just to see how long it takes them to reach out. It is an experiment that can yield results you don't want, though.

"You don't know you're beautiful." - Harry Styles

radiosilence95's picture

She can't cancel. My mom's

She can't cancel. My mom's ordered the train tickets already, a hundred bucks each. And if she does then I don't think I'll have anything more to say to her, except a nice, big "fuck you." I'm so close to unleashing on someone and if it's going to be her then it will be her.

I've been the conductor of that experiment for a few months now. The results are already less than reassuring.