We Are Four Lost Souls

LostSouls's picture


Just the fact that you are able to read this is a miracle, a side effect of four teens who overcame their deepest pain to try to do something positive.

If I've lost you here, bear with me. You may see a bit of yourself in what we have to say.

My name's Alex, I'm thirteen, and I live in the middle of nowhere in a small town just like many other small towns in our country. I can't use any real names here, but what I write is true. I have hopes, dreams, and secrets.

Actually, too many secrets. Which is part of why I'm here tonight, pouring out my soul.

My lost soul.

You see, I'm gay. 100% gay. In my religion, the one I was baptized in, if you're gay you go to Hell. Period. End of Discussion. Tough shit. Enjoy the fire! You're a lost soul.

This isn't just about me though. This is also about three people who are very close to me as well as close in age: Chase, Dalton, and Jake. They are all 100% gay too.

They're also my stepbrothers, but we were (boy)friends way before we became stepbros. This isn't some hillbilly shit about brother/sister lovers or anything like that. My brothers and I feel we were meant to be together.

It just turned out this way, but it could be a whole lot worse. My dad and mom are happy now, and they have four great kids. We don't use the "step" word in our home because a step is something you walk on, not love and accept. I only use "step" here when I need to.

My parents don't know our secrets.

No, they can never know our secrets. Which is why we're here.

We're also here because back on February we decided to kill ourselves at the same time, leaving notes explaining that we could no longer live being gay, and we're going to Hell anyway so why not speed up the process?

I'm not kidding about that.

The night before our planned exit our parents brought home a copy of the movie "Bully" and we watched it as a family. What would have been our last night together as a family made us cry, gave us hope, and saved our lives.

We couldn't hurt our parents like that, and even now we struggle with the pain we almost so unfairly handed them. Things do get better, but YOU have to make it happen.

We are also a super secret support group for four other gay kids, some younger than us, some older. When we're together we get to take the cross off of our backs, at least for a short while. We keep each other going...alive. It's not easy but we deal. Coming out? Hell fucking no!!!!!!!!!!

We've known about Oasis for a while, but we weren't sure of how we'd be accepted here based on our relationship and some of the things I'll be writing about. We just hope you keep an open mind to us, and I'm sure we're not the only stepbrothers dealing with this.

I won the vote to write on here and represent all of us. I just hope that I don't let anyone down doing this.




MaddieJoy's picture

welcome Alex!

Keep writing, we're pretty accepting here.

jeff's picture


Oasis is pretty liberal as long as everything is legal and consensual. Have fun, and welcome aboard.

"You don't know you're beautiful." - Harry Styles

elph's picture

Ditto here...

...as well. And... WELCOME to the Oasis!

angel syndrome's picture

Hello! My boyfriend grew up


My boyfriend grew up in an ultra-orthodox jewish family. As of such he has had a very hard time dealing with his sexuality, which led him to all sorts of unlovely things, like bruises and needles and cuts. This journal is very important to me because I don't think anyone should have these things because of religion.

I am so glad that you are all alive and that you have each other! Please keep writing.

LostSouls's picture


I was so worried about writing on here, but now I know it'll be awesome!!!

I'm going to talk about some things we did but I'll try to explain things discretely, I mean this is a gay site but I don't want to write porn either.


LostSouls are four gay friends-Alex, Dalton, Chase, & Jake-who ended up being stepbrothers by dumb luck. We are also a support group for four other gay kids who have to keep their sexuality a secret. We live in the Bible Belt, which explains a lot.