Leap Of Faith

LostSouls's picture

After watching what Chase and Jake did I was equally disgusted and curious about what I had seen. It was really all I could think about sometimes, and it bothered me.

What troubled me even more was sneaking peeks at the magazine hidden under Chase's mattress, seeing the biggest penis I had ever seen deeply stuck in the other guy and the expression on his face. I couldn't decide if it was a look of pain or pleasure, but I know Chase and Jake seemed to like what was happening. As disgusted as I was it was something I needed to try.

A few weeks after that school was out for the summer, and the four of us were together all the time, and we got closer and my dad spent more and more time with Jake's mom, but I don't think we understood just how close they had become.

Eventually I tried the act on myself in the basement, with a candle I carefully shaped. It took a few tries to get over the pain before I felt the pleasure, and it had become a secret equally deep as what I had witnessed between Chase and Jake.

One day when Dalton was over we had some really bad weather and there were tornado watches in the area, and dad called and ordered me to get in the basement with Dalton. We live in a high risk tornado area, so we knew what could happen. Chase was at Jake's place and they stayed in a closet, the safest place in the trailer.

Dalton and I went in the basement and huddled next to each other on the couch down there while it got darker outside and the rain and hail intensified, and I'm not ashamed to say I was scared. After a while the power went out and we clung to each other, then I asked Dalton if he wanted to see something really bad? Naturally he said yes.

I grabbed the gay magazine from its hiding place and took it downstairs to Dalton, who was speechless. When he asked me where I got it I lied and told him from the trash at the town's news stand. There was no way I could tell him the truth.

We went page by page, laughing at the pictures and then Dalton asked me if I wanted to try it? I thought about it for a while then showed him the candle I'd been using, and he didn't say anything.

I won't be too descriptive because I know I can't, but having him as close as he could possibly be with me was one of the best things I have ever felt, and with my turn I was as gentle as I could be with him. By the time we had finished showering the power was back on, and I decided what I needed to do about Chase.

The next Monday was a rainy day and Chase and I were stuck at home watching tv. I went into his bedroom and grabbed the gay magazine and told him that we needed to talk about it.

Chase was furious and got up off the couch and came after me and I had to think quick before he kicked my ass. We ended up in his bedroom and his picked up his baseball bat and swung it behind his back, and I yelled out


He dropped the bat and it clanged to the floor, and he sat down on the bed next to me. He was crying, and I put my arm around him and pulled him close.

I told him about how I had seen what he'd done with Jake, and I knew he liked it. Then I betrayed Dalton and told him about our time in the basement. Chase looked as me like I had just told him I was a alien from Mars.

Then I took a huge risk.

I leaned over and kissed him on his lips and he started crying, stopping only when he heard my dad pull into the driveway. When dad asked what was wrong I lied and told him he was thinking about his dad, and my dad gave us a big hug.

The next day my dad told me something that would change our family forever.




elph's picture

Why the writing as for a "soap"...

always with a daily "cliff hanger?"

Is there some help Oasies™ might be able to contribute to assist with matters as they exist today... bypassing all of the somewhat salacious history?

MaddieJoy's picture

it's true

these journals read a bit like one of those teen books you get in the library. Perhaps a bit exaggerated to create more interest?

Sam2000's picture

Something to consider?

Here's a few personal thoughts about Alex.

1. He probably gets a "A" in English class. Not a bad thing for a writer on here. Everyone on here has their own writing style. Alex's is a bit different, but not in a bad way, just different.

2. In his first journal he gave references to his family situation, and now he's going back and explaining how each of them became friends and "more". It's real obvious that he loves his family, so is writing a journal detailing how each of them came together such a bad thing? It builds interest, and creates someone that people may actually care about. Eventually he may write about more current events in his (their?) lives?

3. This IS a gay writing site. Gay acts might occasionally be mentioned. I scare myself sometimes with how often I think about sex! Alex is a year older than me, maybe he has one thing on his mind a lot too?

4. The four of them had planned to kill themselves. Would you rather have learned about Alex and his brothers from a news article about their tragic suicide OR have them write on here about how they're doing the best they can with what they have been dealt? Would you do in their situation?

5. I don't think Alex is asking for our help, not yet anyways. In his signature he wrote about being part of a support group for other gay kids. If true, what he's doing is something we need to applaud him for. Coming out is not an option for him (them). Has anyone else here been in that situation?

Alex, there's lots of us behind you, and please keep writing. I'm just sorry I didn't write this sooner.


jeff's picture


1. Who said it was bad? People just asked why he wrote them this way. You're adding the negative angle to it.

2. Traditionally, a new user on Oasis has a pressing issue in their lives they need to solve, and that is the first thing they want to sort out, not present an oral history of how they got in their current situation. But again, this is responding to criticism that no one raised.

3. Again, I'm glad you're responding to an issue no one raised or is concerned with, and for which Alex is free to do, especially since no one has ever said otherwise.

4. I don't read news articles about suicides, but again I'm glad you're making sure to state that Alex is free to do what no one has said he can't do, seemingly in response to what no one has written or mentioned. People merely asked why are they written like this, so not sure where all of this defensiveness is coming from.

5. Again, these are all great rebuttals to the argument that no one has made. People are wondering if this is leading to where he needs to sort something out in the present, and how soon that might happen. There's really nothing negative in that inquiry. Asking if Alex has something he needs their help with sounds like a positive thing...

And then we end with you saying that a lot of you are behind Alex... as opposed to whom?

"You don't know you're beautiful." - Harry Styles

Outkast's picture

I think Sam here is being defensive

I went back and read Sam's first journals, and judging by some of the comments he was given I think Sam maybe felt that the same thing was being done to Alex? They're close in age so I can see him feeling the need to stick up for him.

Either way, what Alex is writing is interesting and I hope he'll continue. I think he just needs to write about his past before he will feel comfortable going into his current life situation, and I fear that this will be a rather dark place : ((