So me and this boy called Matthew have been speaking for a few months now; see Matthew is bisexual like me and its like hes me in another life because he goes through everything I go/have gone through!
At first Matthew was just a friend but as we talked more i found myself quiet attracted to him, before any of this me and Matthew were good mates but he got excluded from school and I stopped speaking to him as much, so when i spoke to friends who knew about both me and Matthew being bi they immidiately told me that he was terrible for me that he would give me nothing but misery; I didnt care what anyone thought I knew what i wanted and i wanted him? I told him about my feelings and he admitted to having feelings for me to which just made me like him more!
Whilst taking to each other I found myself liking this girl called Tylesha and Matthew had feelings for this girl called Mariah. Matthew obviously this girl more than me which i didnt mind but he started to get quiet short with me I got quiet confused with myself and Matthew and Tylesha so i tried to ignore Matthew, to try forget about my feelings for him & It wasnt easy! 13 days i managed to ignore him for and on the 14th day he sent me message declaring his feelings just for me & how he would make it up to me and all the rest of it and i believed every word of it and my feelings for him came rushing back this time stronger and more uncontrolable than ever!
We were arguing for a few days about stupid things really but I was so stressed out with him! It felt like he was telling me all this.. Bullshit and in reality it was all lies! To top it off he told me that infact he was not bisexual and he was actual quiet homophobic... Well i nearly died right there on the spot! I felt used and utterly stupid. We had the biggest argument that night and It was hurtful the things that we said to each other but at the time, i meant it every word of it
The next day he asked for me to listen to a song: Half the world away by Oasis :) He told me that he had aspergers syndrome and that the song explained how he felt about it and how he coped with it. I was so confused at that point, i wasnt familar with the symptoms or effects of aspergers and I was so confused by the fact he wanted me to understand him better right after we fell out? But i listen and I had never found a song so beautiful in my life, I had heard that song countless times but never had i listened to it in such a prespective. Right there i realised how much i truely cared for Matthew. I want this boy so much, I find everything about him interesting or attractive or just amazing! But hes started talking to me like he still has feelings for me again? What does that mean? Is he still going through a phase? Do i question it? I dont know what he feels aboit me anymore?