My coming out story.. so far :P

Mike07's picture

Ive not made a journal entry in quiet a while so i have a lot of updating to do!

Let me start by saying Im a 14 year old boy and im bisexual, A few month ago i would of choked on those words but now im much more comfortable with myself although Im still learning about my sexuality I can deal with it better because of my personal acceptence.

Recently I came out to my mum as bisexual, from the start she has been the one person ive been truely scared of losing but she didnt go anywhere she accepted me happily however she has lots and lots of questions that im not to sure of the answers myself so its slow going at the moment, my dad doesnt know although he loves me he can be quiet homophobic and I dont think im ready to tell him...

School was a major issue for me but I think Ive told a good 20 or 30 people all together which include most of my closest friends! Im not lying when i say each person has been just as supportive as the next; I guess ive been lucky because so far no one has turned against me, im lucky in the sense that everyone ive told is open minded enough to accept me for who i am and still think of me in the same way, which is exactly what i want!:)
Im also getting to a point where im really not bothered what anyone else has to say about me, which doesnt necessarily mean i want to come out fully but Im prepared for when that day comes :)

Whilst closeted i was doing a lot of bad things; drinking and smoking mainly which makes me sound like a really bad person i know? Drinking and smoking at 14... its deffinately not something im proud of doing but It was out of pure hatred for myself, it was an escape and at the time it was the only way i knew how to cope? Also I was cutting myself... That was my biggest embarrassment.. Having to hide the scars was awful and obviously i still have to hide them now and looking back i have no clue what made me do it but its in the past, coming out has changed my life in a way :) As cheesy as that sounds i wouldnt be the same person if i hadnt told someone

So the point of this journal was to express my feelings for those who are going through something similar because I remember looking and googling every night trying to find stories and situations i could relate to and its just nice to get things off your mind sometimes :) Thank you for reading!

Comments

Bosemaster42's picture

With coming out,

things do indeed change. It's good you stopped cutting. The drinking and smoking is a familiar habit I shared at your age. Drinking makes you numb, but it's only a temporary feeling. Escaping from reality has it's allure, but it doesn't fix or change anything. Congratulations for telling your mother and classmates and It's always nice when people don't overreact or say hateful shit. You're certainly not a bad person for doing the things you did, minor transgressions in my miind. It still amazes me what people will do, just to cope.

Mike07's picture

Yeah i realise now that all

Yeah i realise now that all these things just made everything worse, I became out of routine and distracted from things that our important me like my education, friends & family, etc. I started listening to a lot of music and that has almost replaced my previous methods of escape :)

Yeah the best feeling was just being able to sit my friends down and have them accept and reassure me that they're opinion hasnt changed of me :)! And for the first time I actually feel happy with who I am!

jeff's picture

Err...

You told your mom and like 30 people at school. That's some pretty major coming out. Guess you can stop worrying about it. You're out now.

Drinking is a temporary escape, but when it wears off you're where you started again, so kind of useless. And it's hard finding a smoker that doesn't want to quit, although there are a few out there. But most would stop of they could, so the sooner the better there.

---
"You don't know you're beautiful." - Harry Styles

Mike07's picture

I feel better about everything now,

I feel so relieved to have all the truth out, Im still worrying about what other people in school might think, mostly the narrow minded ones who will treat me purely based on the fact that i am bisexual. But Im getting to that state of mind where what other people say will just go in one ear and out the other!

Ive pretty much stopped the drinking, when other people are drinking at parties ill join in but thats about it. The smoking is slowly getting there... But i think with a bit of determination i can stop. Finally the cutting, Ive just stopped that completely, after seeing peoples reactions to the scars it made me realise how horrible it looks so i put a stop to that soon enough :)

Bosemaster42's picture

Good.

You should feel better about yourself and that can only help. Don't dwell on what 'other people' might think. I made that mistake in High School and it drove me deeper into the closet, now, where are those people whose opinions I worried so much about? I couldn't even tell you because they are no longer a part of my life.
I'm still struggling with the smoking demon myself, although I have cut back considerably, I need to quit the cigs for good.

Mike07's picture

I try not to,

I know i shouldnt dwell on other peoples opinions, like you say 3-4 years down the line i will never see most of these people again, but I dont want to have to come into school and deal with all the bullshit people might give me...

My ideal situation would be for everybody to know and for everybody to either accept me or just leave me alone but I know that wont happen.

My motivation for giving up is that my little brother has bad lungs and id hate to think that any passive smoke would bring damage to him, so Im determined to stop.