Until I remember that the universe is indifferent to the trivialities of mere mortals like myself. P.S: Buckle up. This is gonna be a long journal.
Anyway, some things. First, prom was this past weekend. My mom was ten times as excited about it as I was, and the closer it came to prom night, the less I wanted to show up. Why would I spend three hours of my Saturday night with classmates I can't stand? Why sit there uncomfortably in a dress, trying to find a group of friends to cling to, sitting in a corner, watching my sweaty, hormonally-challenged peers grind on each other to ridiculous pop hits? Not my definition of fun. I'm not a social butterfly, and dances aren't my thing. Everybody orgasms over prom, spending up to 1,000 dollars on a dress they only wear once, spray tanning and shit. It's just another part of the high school culture that irritates me.
So, I didn't go. Plot twist: my mom doesn't know that. I got myself dressed up, posed for pictures with my friends and whatnot, but after I left the location of our little photo shoot I met Haylee, probably the last friend I have who I actually enjoy being around and who doesn't annoy me and/or hurt me, and we went to a Sonic twenty miles away. Then we came back to town and chilled at our friend Jacob's house until one in the morning. And I can guarantee that I had more fun with those two than I would have EVER had at prom.
"If you don't go, you'll regret it for the rest of your life," everyone was so fond of telling me. Yeah, well, I think I'll have more important things to worry about in adulthood than whether or not I went to prom. Plus, the LGBT group at my college has a gay prom every year, which sounds FANTASTIC. I'll be in my element with people I actually like.
I wore the dress and did pictures, which made my mom happy. Is it wrong to lie to her about going to prom? Maybe. Do I care anymore? Not really. She thinks I went to prom and had a great time and that keeps her happy, so whatever. One minor annoyance: She asked me if I danced with any cute boys. What the hell Mom. Not sure how to interpret that one.
The Monday after prom is senior skip day, which is when seniors just don't show up for school. Since my teachers gave me tests that day, my skip day was Tuesday. My friends Caitlin and Anna journeyed with me to the St. Louis zoo. Half the people we invited didn't go, so I feel like I could've had more fun. Plus Caitlin and Anna are the two friends who I am most prone to be annoyed by. For example, Caitlin slaps me whenever I say a curse word and Anna has a propensity to talk nonstop about an insignificant thing and takes forever to get to the point.
But I still had fun. The best part had to be petting the stingrays. They feel like smooth jelly. And they're like little water house cats, because they'll swim right up to you and nuzzle your hand for attention. So cute. Feeding them is freaky though. They suck the shrimp out of your hand like a vacuum, oftentimes putting half your hand in their mouths.
So yeah. Social life has been on a rise lately, and it'll hopefully stay that way for awhile, since we're all graduating. My grades have slipped because I no longer really care at all about high school. I have three AP tests coming up and feel ill-prepared for all of them. My mom keeps stressing me out about paying for college. I have like twenty books I want to read before I leave for college. I also have final projects and essays that teachers keep shoving in my face and my lack of motivation is making it impossible to focus on them. So yeah.
Finally, my parents. It's been six years since the divorce and they STILL can't work anything out like civil adults. I have to work this weekend, both Saturday and Sunday. My dad lives twelve miles away and wants to bring my car to drive to work. That's about fifty miles in one weekend. My mom doesn't want me to do that. So they argued all night tonight, both of them putting me smack in the middle.
The thing about divorced parents: they'll swear on their lives they keep their kids out of their arguments. They'll swear that they don't drag their kids in the middle or make them choose sides. But they do. Oftentimes without even realizing it. My mom and dad both talk about each other to me and then turn around and say that it's not about choosing sides. And this used to hurt me, but now it just annoys the shit out of me.
My mom started crying tonight because--get this--my dad told her that she didn't have a real job at eighteen unlike me. Call me heartless, but I didn't feel an ounce of pity for her, just irritation. Grow up. It's been six years and your ex still gets to you like that? Jesus Christ, move on. She's only putting up a fight about me driving because she wants to prove a point to him. I'm a means for both of them to prove something to each other and it's so frustrating.
For fuck's sake I am just so done with everything. Done with friends, done with school, done with parents, done with classmates, done with work, just done. I'm beyond ready for the next phase of my life and it's taking its sweet time to begin.