There be thoughts buzzing through the brain

terminatrix93A's picture

It seems like I've found something akin to a GSA at my university recently. We have a Queer Department to assist with LGBTI discrimination across the university, but there are also student committees including one specially for science and engineering people! YAYNESS! There was an informal meeting a week ago so I went to that. Admittedly it was only a group of less than 10 people, but it seems like they're doing a lot of good work finding safe places for us to work once we graduate.

Also mum seems to be coming around to things, albeit slowly. I've recently developed a desire to get a motorbike license and surprisingly when I mentioned buying a bike, she was okay with it. Even asked if I could get finance on it which is better than her 3 months ago when she didn't want me near one. Then again, a lot has changed since three months ago.

Turns out my new manager is a lesbian. She and her wife are looking forward to their 8 year anniversary. I guess it gives me hope that there are still good relationships that work out in the long run. Her best friend who also works with us is a lesbian too. I don't think I've ever worked in a more supportive work environment. It feels good to just be able to be myself at work and joke around about stuff that I wouldn't normally do.

Speaking of work, my ex got transferred into my new area. YAY! (note the sarcasm) People keep asking how I feel about that and how its working out but to be honest I don't even know. Every time I see her and make eye contact, my heart still goes into overdrive. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or not. I'm still trying to figure out what happened in our relationship. I think its a good thing it ended, but I'm not sure why I still think about her all the time. My boss and my new work friends keep asking why I dated her. Truth be told, its hard to give them a single answer. I fell in love? I don't even know any more.

Is it weird to worry every time your ex gets sick six months after you broke up? I figure most people aren't in a situation when they would even know about whether they were sick or not, but I'm curious as to the general outlook. She hasn't been feeling too well and keeps missing work. She was in the hospital not too long ago so every time she doesn't come in, I'm worried she has to go back. Fifty gazillion causes for sickness run through my head until I see her next. I wish I could just ask her if she was okay but she doesn't want to talk. And asking her sister might make me seem stalkerish. Guess I just have to put up with the worry until it stops.

Its nearly end of semester which I could not be more glad for. Its currently 2 am and I'm up to work on assignments. I MISS SLEEP. Argh 4 more weeks and I can catch a break. I can't wait. Until next time Oasians


jeff's picture


Most places to work are going to be pretty cool about stuff these days, especially in competitive fields. They don't want to miss any competitive advantage, including having a very inclusive non-discrimination policy, etc. So that's not really a huge concern, I wouldn't imagine, for science and engineering.

I don't think you need to restrict your thoughts/actions around your ex because of how she feels about it. If she doesn't want to say how she is, that is fine, but that doesn't prevent you from asking. Don't play out both sides of a failed relationship in your head after it's over. It's bad enough to do that when it is still going on... want to ask how she is? Do it. Then you did what you wanted. If she wants to answer? Up to her. But you only need to play your role in this, not both.

"You don't know you're beautiful." - Harry Styles