Finally! A New Entry! Life can Continue once more!

javier's picture

So I've been gone for quite some time, and as the last private message indicates, it's been almost 3 months.

I shall update you all rather quickly as long updates are rather dull and uneccesary: I've graduated high school, I'm going to a college I do not want to attend, I am reunited with my best friend who I stopped talking to, I am reading a shorter finnegans wake, I am starting to watch seinfeld, listening to the velvet underground. hating life as. Usual.

An interesting thought occured to me the other day regarding what I look for in another man in terms of a relationship: definitely not someone who is almost like me. Let me explain: I hate myself and I wouldnt want to be around another person or persons that have the same thoughts, ideas, feelings, appearance, as I do. Even I get annoyed by me. And although romance wasnt happening, I stopped talking to one of my friends because she in general terms is alot like myself. My goodness we never shut up about ernest hemingway, books, complaining, or our sarcasm.

She got so annoying I had to end it.

And then something happened to me at disneyland during my senior gradnite which I must share otherwise I'll never stop thinking about it. (If it doesnt make sense or is clear, I'll explain some other time) But I'll probably forget...

This is written truthfully, as I remember it.

As our school days neared an end, celebrations were prepped and made. But only if you payed. So you could say Those school administrators are a bunch of Jews. I said that. See, other events that were free were cancelled immediately. Anyway, we payed for grad night at disneyland and had fun. Definitely worth every penny.

Arrival was filled with anxiety and an excited feeling by my side. Sun rays struck my skin and made a glowing which became blinding. The sun was painful.

It was good what we did: had fun. And the day was nearing its end. So.

We walked to cars land and I rode again the cars ride that has two racing. I said It's our second time (I referred to my other Friend) riding. And a boy, who did not exist until now, overheard this.

It's my favorite movie. I've seen it countless times. This ride better impress me.

I knew I would like him, how couldn't I? He's talking out of turn, no one invited him into our conversation nor acknowledged his existence. But I did not think that. Other people were if they were in the same situation.

Then as the line moved up we spoke some more, played charades and a word game that started with car and ended with car. Similar to Finnegans wake. He played.

You're that drawing with many arms and legs by Leonardo da Vinci.

I'm the Vitruvian man.

And as we neared the line I remembered I sang bohemian Rhapsody earlier and I asked Do you know Queen?

The band?

This is where I say something rude. Instinct kicked in.

Who else?

Yes I do.

Do you know the song bohemian Rhapsody?

Yeah pretty much.

Let's sing. [Or I asked.]

And we put on a show for the sleepy riders who did not expect anything. He then climbs on a rail and sings directly to the awaiting people who stare in amazement, or confusion, or both. I do the same except I don't make eye contact.

I look to the front of the line And someone else recognizes the song. He begins singing and throws popcorn at us, as if they were roses. My friends can't stop laughing. A moment of surrealness. Finally in my life I've experienced spontaneity with a somewhat eccentric person.

The line reached its end. Not wanting to appear attached, I said he wasn't part of our group although my mind was saying he is. My friends then said Tell him to come. But how should I call him? I don't know his name. So I yell this:

Freddie Mercury! Freddie Mercury!

Hearing it the second time he turns with a smile on his face, first time he smiles. His eyes brighter than the moonlight. Motioning him to come, he nods, that which I could not comprehend, but gives me a wave and makes a peace sign with his ivory fingers. After the ride I cannot locate him. Gone. Like the cool wind by a detached fool.

I do the same and smile too, saddened a little. Here, out of nothing, I happened to sing with someone I never met. Wanted to know more, his name, where he lived, who he is. How existential of me. And then I walked and talked with my friends and I finished my water under the low moonlight.


J03y's picture

You've been missed!

Welcome back!

BTW, I love Queen, just the sheer power and amazing harmonies blow me away!


Bosemaster42's picture


On graduating. Spontaneity is the spice of life, and it sounds like your grad-night experience was a lot of fun. Bohemian Rhapsody was a wonderful choice for your acapella performance with this mystery boy. I mean, had I been in line waiting, I probably would have joined in as well. Although, I would have had trouble reaching some of the high notes. Anyway, good for you, waiting in line can be such a drag most times.

jeff's picture


Welcome back...

Sounds like a fun time at Disneyland. Sometimes the brief serendipities are the best, because they stay perfect forever.

But if you "hate myself and I wouldnt want to be around another person or persons that have the same thoughts, ideas, feelings, appearance."

Well, what is the past to you loving yourself, and changing the thoughts, ideas, feelings and appearance stuff that you don't like about yourself?

"You don't know you're beautiful." - Harry Styles

lonewolf678's picture

Good to see you back,

glad you had a great time at the Disney world.