My Time of the Month

javier's picture

It is 1:54 am as I write this, mainly because I can't access this site while noisy bastards are awake and my mind is too active now. As you can assume from the title, I'm back in my depressive state which is odd because I think the last time I felt as crappy as now was maybe 3 weeks ago. After some tears, punches thrown at inaminate objects, and shouting fuck to no one in particular, I've decided to write and become rational once more. Surprisingly Im thinking logically too

Well if it's not clear in what I've written in the past I'll just go ahead and say it: I'm an emotional mess. I've been depressed since I was 13, maybe 14 and it was mostly in middle school in which I was sad all the time. And that went away in high school for the first two years and came back in my most important year: 11th grade and it's stuck since then. And I know some will say it's hormonal and whatnot but I'm already 18 and I don't know if the course will run a little more longer or end as immediately as it began. (Granted, I've read articles in which it's said that 21 is the time when most can call themselves an adult, but im not so sure.)

Anyway, the reason I felt sad was that the next 4 years of my life, the college years, will be the same as my time in high school. Because of my family. I hate how they want me to play a part i am not, they want me to fulfill a character I am not and they know it. I think they're ashamed of me. Even my friend senses it and it sucks because sometimes I prefer others over my own family and i feel guilty about it.

the next 4 years will be the same because I will still live at home with my family that i hate.

Fuck

I've been thinking and I would appreciate any advice. So my plan is to move into an apartment my best friends are going to rent, although they'll be attending another college about a freeway away from where I'll attend college but i don't think it'll work out cause they'll move-in in 2 weeks and ive no job or money so this is like my plan d (d stands for desperation.) I appreciate any other plans.

Comments

elph's picture

My advice... not necessarily good... :(

(1) Although it is probably too late for the coming academic year, I'd do everything possible to transfer to a distant new university to continue your studies as a sophomore. Check out every possible source for scholarship. An outstanding record in your freshman year will be a definite plus... I think you can do it!

(2) On your depression... make sure that you have a sympathetic and qualified adolescent psychologist on your side. If medication is prescribed... never miss or quit without being advised to do so! Do you have an inkling regarding the source of your depression... parents, friends, money, sexual orientation... ?

(3) Moving from your parents' home is probably a good idea... but moving in with friends can easily prove problematical. Much better would be to share facilities (university dorm?) with someone totally new, but having near-similar academic goals. If roommate problems arise (and they will!), they are much more easily resolved with someone new than with those you already treat as friends...

More?

Bosemaster42's picture

Perhaps,

Your parents inability to accept who you are is the root cause of the depression you've experienced? Hormones do play a part, but you mentioned how your parents want you to 'Play a part I am not' and you obviously are upset by that. It has caused you to perceive that they are ashamed of you, which can certainly increase or add to an already depressive state. Moving out of the house would probably be a very good idea, but you would need to support yourself to an extent and maintain your class-load. It might be good for you to find some work for the next couple of months, at least until school starts up. That way, it gets you out of the house and puts some money in your pocket.

lonewolf678's picture

Well,

I want to say I can identify with the depression, I used to have it in those years as well. Strange enough, I guess I outgrew it or my hormones stablized around age 18. Come to think of it, it was when I finally got out of high school that I felt great.

Anyway, sorry about your parents wanting you to do stuff you don't want. If anything, you could play the "I'm an adult now" card. However you run the risk of your parents reacting very negatively to that. The consequences could very well be undesiarable.

If anything you could just go to a college somewhere else and just do two years and get a quick degree just to appease your parents. However I don't know if you'd want to do that either. Wish I could give better advice though. :-\

jeff's picture

Yeah...

I think the main thing to figure out is how to make college different.

There is a very mistaken notion that you are merely going there to learn, so removing the social element of dorms and parties and just living at home seems like some frugal no-brainer. But, since I DID do all four years at home, I know for certain this is untrue.

College is mainly about networking for your future. I mean, sure, you have to learn something, too, but as you can read anywhere, once you graduate, it's not like companies just have an abundance of jobs just waiting for college graduates.

Every job I've had in the last five years has been through networking. In many cases, I was offered a job that wasn't yet advertised, or created for me. In my case, it is based on my past work history and co-workers from the past, but college also can perform this function. But the deep bond you need to make for that often doesn't occur if you pop in for class, and go home when it's done.

I would rank networking above education as far as what you take away from college. So, you are sacrificing the most important thing you might take away from college if you live at home.

I mean, there are multi-millionaires in the world now who happened to get put in Mark Zuckerberg's dorm where he created Facebook, so they helped out. That's an extreme example, but not really.

I don't think anyone should live at home while attending college.

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"You don't know you're beautiful." - Harry Styles