It is 1:54 am as I write this, mainly because I can't access this site while noisy bastards are awake and my mind is too active now. As you can assume from the title, I'm back in my depressive state which is odd because I think the last time I felt as crappy as now was maybe 3 weeks ago. After some tears, punches thrown at inaminate objects, and shouting fuck to no one in particular, I've decided to write and become rational once more. Surprisingly Im thinking logically too
Well if it's not clear in what I've written in the past I'll just go ahead and say it: I'm an emotional mess. I've been depressed since I was 13, maybe 14 and it was mostly in middle school in which I was sad all the time. And that went away in high school for the first two years and came back in my most important year: 11th grade and it's stuck since then. And I know some will say it's hormonal and whatnot but I'm already 18 and I don't know if the course will run a little more longer or end as immediately as it began. (Granted, I've read articles in which it's said that 21 is the time when most can call themselves an adult, but im not so sure.)
Anyway, the reason I felt sad was that the next 4 years of my life, the college years, will be the same as my time in high school. Because of my family. I hate how they want me to play a part i am not, they want me to fulfill a character I am not and they know it. I think they're ashamed of me. Even my friend senses it and it sucks because sometimes I prefer others over my own family and i feel guilty about it.
the next 4 years will be the same because I will still live at home with my family that i hate.
I've been thinking and I would appreciate any advice. So my plan is to move into an apartment my best friends are going to rent, although they'll be attending another college about a freeway away from where I'll attend college but i don't think it'll work out cause they'll move-in in 2 weeks and ive no job or money so this is like my plan d (d stands for desperation.) I appreciate any other plans.