need someone who has lived the homosexual lifestyle

Keisha30's picture

Hey I'm looking for someone who has lived the homosexual lifestyle but has changed I need help to find out how you did it and why because I'm fighting not to love females and everyday it gets harder I've been in the church all my life no I don't consider myself a Christian just an believer I came out to my father who is a pastor and he took it well however I have turned my life back over to Christ and my father thinks everything is suppose to stop but it hasn't I need help from someone who is welling to talk to me not sure how much more of this I can take

MaddieJoy's picture

sorry Hon

Wrong forum. The teens here are working toward self-acceptance. We'll support you in a journey of self-acceptance and discovery, but none of us believe in "ex-gay" cures and all that nonsense.
If you ever want to talk about your experiences as a queer youth, or even need help with self-hate or depression, this is the place to be. But I don't think any of us will help you try to suppress your sexuality.
Here are some links you might want to look at:
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/05/30/conversion-therapy-survey_n_335...
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/paul-raushenbush/ask-pastor-paul-how-can-i...
I hope these help you to come to terms with your identity. It took me a while and I still haven't conquered all my doubts, but I've come to realize that the love between two women can be a truly beautiful and natural thing.
--MJ

radiosilence95's picture

First of all, it's not a

First of all, it's not a lifestyle. It doesn't have to control every aspect of your life. It doesn't have to decide what you wear, how you talk, how you look, how you think, or how you live.

Second of all, you're in the wrong place. Oasis is about people coming to terms with their sexuality and loving themselves not in spite of being different, but because of it. Not trying to change it. And I hate to break it to you, but you can't change it. Being gay is not a choice, it's simply a part of you. The only option you have is to come to terms with it.

Religion tends to create serious cognitive dissonance in people. As someone who isn't religious but has some experience with biblical stuff: Jesus never said anything about homosexuality. And the New Testament is less about God's wrath and jealousy and punishment and more about his love and acceptance. Just keep that in mind.

Keisha30's picture

wow

I have no words for your comments how can we say we want acceptance from ppl yet when someone is coming to you for help or just to talk you come at them in judgment and angry if you didn't understand what I meant by lifestyle ask me I wasn't referring to it as if I choose to wear pants today rather then a skirt please ask questions before you come off so strongly about a word or comment. Remember how you felt when others judged you for something without ASKING have a great day

radiosilence95's picture

I wasn't judging you. Or

I wasn't judging you. Or getting angry with you. I'm just telling you straight up without sugarcoating anything: you can't change your sexual orientation. I'm not gonna dance around the point of the matter or tell you what you want to hear. Of course, people here are willing to help you come to terms with who you are, but they aren't willing to help you change who you are.

EDIT: I'm a lesbian as well. And my family is really religious. It gets frustrating sometimes, I understand. It does get better as Lonewolf said, but only if you take the steps to make sure it does. We're all friendly people here, even me, although I do come off as blunt sometimes. It's just that we don't really support the whole "I'm gonna try really hard to be straight thing."

So stick around awhile, make yourself at home here. Like I said, we can help you work through any problems you're having coming to terms with being gay.

Yamamoto's picture

I am a little frightened by

I am a little frightened by the sudden hostility towards this person... :( Despite the fact that we may disagree with their idea, shouldn't we show them support in a friendly fashion?

I don't really know what I am trying to say here, but the idea of tell someone to get the fuck out, which is what it sounds like you two are saying isn't right. Who cares what they believe... we can still be friendly to them and support them, because trust me and I know from having gone through the same experience... they are going to realize that we were right. Though I would rather not give them the hostile view of the gay community I gained, from the fact I was given a hard time by both sides during a confusing time.

Sorry if I sounded stupid, but I am having some problems getting my words out these days :( I hope the message of helpfulness got through...

Keisha30's picture

thanks

Your words mean alot to me its been a long and lonely road for me

Yamamoto's picture

Your welcome Keisha... Just

Your welcome Keisha... Just please give the people around here another chance. They are some cool guys, but are just going through life in there own manner. :) If it helps I will recommend people in the PMs who might not come off so hostile at first as good friends if you are interested in sticking around and trying again. :D

Keisha30's picture

I would like that

I would like that

lonewolf678's picture

I never have great advice,

but if there's one thing, maybe two things, I could tell you Keisha30,
It gets better.

And I don't believe that the God (putting differing religions aside) hates us LGBT peoples, it's far off belief I know, but I firmly believe that.

Yamamoto's picture

That is what I believe also,

That is what I believe also, though for me I share Keisha's religion, but Lonewolf is certainly an understanding person to talk to in this regard. At least when it comes to just being a friend. I know this from experience.

*huggles lonewolf*

Because you did just give good advice lonewolf.. the advice this person needed.

Keisha30's picture

thanks

You don't realize how happy I am I'm sitting here in tears because of all the kindness. Yes at first I was taken back but yall have made me smile for once in a long time it feels good to be able to get support

lonewolf678's picture

No problemo,

that's what this site is for, support. :-)

Yamamoto's picture

Exactly and that is exactly

Exactly and that is exactly what we are for :D

jeff's picture

Hmm...

This site is good for support, but it is also true that the site isn't supportive of reparative therapy or the notion that you can become straight if you are gay.

Similarly, we have people on the site who are into cutting, and we are opposed to that, but help them want to not cut, or cut less on a path to not cutting at all...

So, the trajectory on here will always be away from anyone who is doing emotional, physical, or psychological harm to themselves.

The leading ex-gay community, Exodus, just closed its doors and apologized to the LGBT community for the pain it caused. Previous leaders of Exodus left the group to become loving gay couples. California is in the process, and New Jersey just started on a path, of banning conversion therapy because of the harm it causes and lack of results it produces.

So, if you are looking for someone who was gay, and is now straight, my personal belief is you are looking for someone who doesn't exist. There are only gay people who accept and love themselves, and there are gay people who hate themselves. And a smaller subset of the gay people who hate themselves call their gay selves straight, and their gay thoughts sin, and try to become more acceptable to a society or God that has never judged them as harshly as they do themselves. If you want to make that your path, no one here will stop you... or help you do it.

Similarly, we wouldn't encourage people to keep cutting, or any other sort of self-harm.

I do think you have to be somewhat conscious that you are on a site for LGBT youth, and acceptance of that sexuality is the explicit goal here.

---
"You don't know you're beautiful." - Harry Styles

Yamamoto's picture

Jeff... seriously... be nice

Jeff... seriously... be nice here. This person only wants friends. Just please trust me on this one. There is a huge misunderstanding going on here, and I think that the original post at this point is a bit irrelevant to the actual problem.

So it needs to be dropped on that end. Support and friendship are all that are needed for this person. Trust me on this... :D

jeff's picture

OK...

That's fine, although there is nothing there that isn't nice.

---
"You don't know you're beautiful." - Harry Styles

Bosemaster42's picture

Hey Keisha,

I think you already know the answer. Your trying to be a good Christian, and that's cool, but you also say your attraction to females hasn't waned.
Look, you can still be both a good Christian and have a loving relationship with who you desire. However, you don't need a church. I know there are a few denominations who may accept gay people, but most will tell you that you are a sinner and have no place among them.
A Church is led by a pastor/priest/whatever. A human being, just like you and I, imperfect as we are. They have no right to judge anyone, they just seem compelled to do so. I was born into a Catholic family and yes I once mistakenly believed the priests were closer to God. Girl, was I wrong. It took a while, but I broke free from my religion because I felt and found out it was a massive delusional hypocrasy. I'm not saying you should divorce yourself from your religion, especially if you feel your taking something positive from the experience. I just made a choice.
Seriously, study the history of the Papalcy, all the way back to the beginning and then tell me this was what God had intended and what Jesus was trying to impart to the people. I believe the message was lost after Peter's demise. I don't think anything Maddie or Radiosilence or Jeff said was mean. They were just being direct and to the point sweetie. Perhaps you're not accustomed to that, but you shouldn't personalize what was being said. They were not telling you to leave the site. They were telling you they won't help you to deceive yourself, because doing so would keep you on a very lonely path and you deserve better than that. Take care and please keep talking.

Yamamoto's picture

Hey Bose buddy :) *Huggles*

Hey Bose buddy :) *Huggles* Keshia started up another thread to reintroduce herself... so I think that would be a better place to post. Unless you already saw it. I think any reactions posted here, are reactions to a misunderstanding :) *Huggles*