Outsiders Among Us

J03y's picture

Hi Oasisland! My name's Joey and I'm 13, going to be 14 this fall. This is my first time writing on here but I'm been a steady follower of this site since I was 10. I've been wanting to write on here for a really long time, but I didn't think I would get any kind of real acceptance being on here when I was younger. And I'm FAR from being what the gay community would consider an ideal gay teen.

At my age I know I'm basically invisible within the gay community, too young for the bar scene BUT old enough to get hit on by the hairy creepy old men that hang out at the mall. In a few years I'll be old enough to actually participate in the gay scene, a community that I already feel alienated from. I'll explain that as I write more journals on here, and I plan to stay a while on here too.

What drew me to actually take the plunge and write on here was seeing some writers my age taking the time be a part of this site, and if they can do it why can't I? Some of them have messed up family lives or come from broken homes, and I'm no exception to that. When I do write about my family life you'll see what I mean.

I've also lived in 7 different countries over the last 5 years, and my experiences with that has changed me in many ways. I'm excited to write about that, and I will as time goes on.

I know I'm gay, I'm 100% sure of that. I've done enough stuff with guys to know it's REAL attraction, not just curiosity or a easy way to get some action. Girls are not the least bit interesting to me (although for some reason they seem to be attracted to me!) , and I've had enough encounters with them to know that's true.

As far as boys go I've tasted and drilled enough of them (and been drilled enough times) to know that's what I'm into, and it's not going to change not matter how much I want it to. I've been told the first big hurdle about being gay in accepting that you are, and I've already climbed over that steep slope.

Now I'm facing the next big hurdle, and I'm not sure if it's one that I'll ever be able to get over? What is it?

Acceptance.

Simple word, not so simple concept.

As I wrote earlier, I'm far from what an ideal gay teen boy should be. Instead of listening to Lady Gaga and Katy Perry I listen to Metallica, Anthrax, and Iron Maiden, bands I've seen live a number of times outside of the United States (I'll explain that one down the road). Instead of the "gay voice" and feminine mannerisms that's expected of me I talk like a guy despite my changing voice and well, act like a guy too. I'm a drummer trying to get a metal band started, which I think will also be the subject of a few journals. As I'm writing this I'm listening to "13" ,the new Black Sabbath CD. I'm loving it too!

Is it bad to like Lady Gaga and Katy Perry? NO! Is it bad for a guy to act and talk like a girl? No! What I think is bad is for other gays to question the "queerness" of another gay because they don't fit the popular, and like it or not, accepted stereotypes of what we SHOULD be. Are there gays into metal? HELLYEAH \oo/ !!!!!! We'd come out but we know better.

They guys I'm attracted to, or better yet want to ravage in ways that I don't think I can write about on here, are not the super skinny muscular ones that are found in gay magazines and porn (yeah I can easily access gay porn...surprised?). They're not the guys in boy bands or the models in magazines. They're not pro athletes either, but I have a thing for middle school/high school/college basketball players and wrestlers in their gear. I'm probably going to write about that oo.

So WHAT and I into?

Fat guys around my age, and I have no fucking idea why I'm into them either? I mean I notice the skinny, athletic guys at my school and at the mall, but when I see a fat guy my age...my brain gets baked and I feel something down below. You know what I mean.

My attraction isn't exactly well accepted. At the few gay teen centres I've gone to around the world telling someone you're into fat guys usually gets a "eww" or "gross!" reaction. If you say that in gay chat rooms it means you're automatically into hairy old men (BEARS), which makes no fucking sense to me at all? I've learned that gay chat rooms are not the best places to spend time in, but that was a hard and very painful lesson to learn.

I've also gotten lucky with a bunch of fat boys( and a fat girl or two) and I just can't describe how great that makes me feel! Most fat kids have self esteem issues, and being with them and loving them (in all ways) is a positive and totally natural thing for me.

I'm excited about finally being a part of Oasis, and I hope that I'll find what I need on here. Maybe I can give some awareness to the more mainstream gays of how it feels to be an outsider among us.

Thanks- Joey

Comments

MaddieJoy's picture

Welcome :)

Why'd you wait so long?

J03y's picture

Thanks! I wrote a few test

Thanks!

I wrote a few test journals about a year ago and I just didn't think they were good enough to post on here. And I'm not sure how well a 12 year old would go over on here? I still might post some of the stuff I wrote back then, especially when I was living in The Netherlands. Really good, interesting, and fun times there!

BTW, I love your journals!

Joey

MaddieJoy's picture

Thanks!

I wish more of the "lurkers" would come and write--this place is a really good outlet to talk about your problems, no matter how old you are.

jeff's picture

Hmm...

Welcome to Oasis...

Most of the outsider stuff isn't real, though. You've just decided the most visible (aka stereotypical) gays were the majority, when that may not necessarily be true. There is no one way to be gay, so you're fine exactly as you are.

So, there isn't much to accept on that front. You like dick and metal? Then there's nothing to accept, you're good to go.

---
"You don't know you're beautiful." - Harry Styles

radiosilence95's picture

Welcome!

Yeah, this is why stereotypes can be harmful. Even the victims of stereotypes can get sucked into 'em. I've heard stories of gays being picked on by other gays because they "weren't gay enough," meaning they didn't conform to the stereotype. Don't worry about that though. Being gay doesn't form your entire identity. That's why I hate it when people refer to it as a lifestyle, because it's not.

Also, I love Black Sabbath. Their new album is pretty cool. My dad might take me to see them in August, which would be incredible.

J03y's picture

I've been told that "you're

I've been told that "you're too straight" by other gays before, and not jokingly either. It really doesn't help someone like me feel good about being gay.

"13" is really growing on me, only think that sucks is they couldn't work things out to keep Bill Ward on drums. Brad Wilk is really good but it's like somethings missing? But I'll take what I can get!

Joey

hellonwheels's picture

Welcome to the site....

And don't worry, there are plenty of gay people in the metal world...rob Halford is a prime example, but I know more than a few in my local metal scene as well.

Isn't the new sabbath awesome? I really hope my contacts can get me in @ the gorge to see them, but they have already gotten a few on the list, so I might be pushing it. Idk.

Anyway, welcome to the site, hope to read more of your stuff soon, and feel free to post some soulfly, sepulture, kreator, hellyeah, pantera, maiden videos etc anytime you want.

hell

Mental wounds not healing, driving me insane, i'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train- the ozzman

J03y's picture

It took me a long time to

It took me a long time to believe that Rob Halford is gay, not until I read a interview he did about it. It gives me hope that I can be myself.

One thing I'll be writing about is what it's like being in the metal scene and dealing with the homophobia that's the norm. Especially in Europe.

Hey, thanks for being so supportive of Sam2000. I followed his journals and the comments real close, but now it seems like he's just vanished? You were always there for him and that's just super cool!

Not sure I'll be posting metal videos but drum ones for sure from YouTube.

Thanks-Joey

hellonwheels's picture

Yeah...

I can kind of see where you are coming from. A bit of homophobia in the metal scene for sure, often dumb remarks made, speaking w/o thinking, etc...but then again, I have seen some really pro LGBT stuff in the metal scene, both in Europe and here over the past few years.

Take the guys in orange goblin on tour w/ hell yeah right now. I met them a few months back, as well as Vinnie, Tommie and chad, as they had toured w/ friends of mine overseas, and the guys in orange goblin were totallyt chill w/ Jamie and her wife, and also our friend J, who is gay, and was also hanging out w/ us @ the bar.

My point is, metal is actually a really accepting community, and there may be more gay metalheads than you realize.

Also, I appreciate that. I tried really, really hard to help sam2k out, but it seems like many here were not getting along w/ him, not buying into his age, etc....which shouldn't have mattered at all, but it is what it was.

anyway, welcome to the site.

\m/ horns high \m/

hell

Mental wounds not healing, driving me insane, i'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train- the ozzman

jeff's picture

Well...

Sam2K fell into a trap where his age was raised as an issue when he first started writing (likely by me, since I do think people need to realize people might be lying about age/identity online, so that they remember to proceed with caution with anyone and not start revealing identifying details in pm, etc.) But I only tend to do that once... which is fine.

But, then people would ask about his writing style, and he'd respond that people are questioning his age. And I would say after that initial bit, most references to his age were by him, or even you saying people are questioning his age and we all just need to give him support, etc., which no one ever said not to do, but it raised the issue again.

So, I would say 95% of conversations about Sam's age were in reaction to Sam saying there were people who didn't believe his age, which then raised the topic for others to discuss again, and again, and again. But after the first time, I never recall saying anything about it, aside from when it would keep resurfacing, either in regard to the original reference or in other cases when Sam would make things not about age about it anyway (like people questioned the cliffhanger writing style, where no one said age, was turned into that people don't believe his age, etc.)

If you want a conversation to stop happening, the best thing you can do is stop referencing it. If you keep bringing something up, then yes, it will become an ongoing topic, since then people comment on it bring brought up again and their thoughts on it, etc., etc.

---
"You don't know you're beautiful." - Harry Styles

J03y's picture

I hope Sam200 is reading

I hope Sam200 is reading this because I really wish he would write on here again. He had some great journals about his autism and the stuff he's gone through, especially about being fat and gay.

Fat gays seem to get lumped into the bear community whether they like it or not, and it just seems stupid and unfair.

Thanks-Joey

jeff's picture

I think you have it backwards...

Fat guys go into the bear community, since that is the community that most breaks out of the body image conscious side of things. So, if a lot of overweight guys go where they can get laid and appreciated more, people will make that connection.

I lived in San Francisco, was surrounded my bears, the one Starbucks was called Bearbucks, and I had friends who are really into bear stuff, and I'm overweight and was never lumped in. So, the lumping usually happens from people who are less connected to an active gay community. Once you're in the midst of an active gay scene, it is all self-lumping. People may ask you if you're into that scene or something, but usually for a positive reason (they're hitting on you, inviting you to a party, etc.) Never negative.

---
"You don't know you're beautiful." - Harry Styles

kamkam's picture

Welcome :)

Omg that's something we have in common I just love a guy I can call my teddy bear lol. But yea the stereotype about feminism I've had my friends and even my straight guy friends all say that I'm the straightest gay guy they know and I always say "well how am I supposed to act?" So yea there is absolutely no "way to be gay"

Keep It Real and Keep It Cute :)

J03y's picture

"Straightest gay guy they know"

I've heard that one a few times!

Joey

Bosemaster42's picture

Hey Welcome,

Glad you decided to write on here...finally. Yeah, your not alone in being told your to straight to be gay! I get that a lot. Love Metal too, so don't be shy posting stuff about it.

lonewolf678's picture

Welcome to Oasis,

I trust you'll find the support you need here.