Hi Oasisland! My name's Joey and I'm 13, going to be 14 this fall. This is my first time writing on here but I'm been a steady follower of this site since I was 10. I've been wanting to write on here for a really long time, but I didn't think I would get any kind of real acceptance being on here when I was younger. And I'm FAR from being what the gay community would consider an ideal gay teen.
At my age I know I'm basically invisible within the gay community, too young for the bar scene BUT old enough to get hit on by the hairy creepy old men that hang out at the mall. In a few years I'll be old enough to actually participate in the gay scene, a community that I already feel alienated from. I'll explain that as I write more journals on here, and I plan to stay a while on here too.
What drew me to actually take the plunge and write on here was seeing some writers my age taking the time be a part of this site, and if they can do it why can't I? Some of them have messed up family lives or come from broken homes, and I'm no exception to that. When I do write about my family life you'll see what I mean.
I've also lived in 7 different countries over the last 5 years, and my experiences with that has changed me in many ways. I'm excited to write about that, and I will as time goes on.
I know I'm gay, I'm 100% sure of that. I've done enough stuff with guys to know it's REAL attraction, not just curiosity or a easy way to get some action. Girls are not the least bit interesting to me (although for some reason they seem to be attracted to me!) , and I've had enough encounters with them to know that's true.
As far as boys go I've tasted and drilled enough of them (and been drilled enough times) to know that's what I'm into, and it's not going to change not matter how much I want it to. I've been told the first big hurdle about being gay in accepting that you are, and I've already climbed over that steep slope.
Now I'm facing the next big hurdle, and I'm not sure if it's one that I'll ever be able to get over? What is it?
Simple word, not so simple concept.
As I wrote earlier, I'm far from what an ideal gay teen boy should be. Instead of listening to Lady Gaga and Katy Perry I listen to Metallica, Anthrax, and Iron Maiden, bands I've seen live a number of times outside of the United States (I'll explain that one down the road). Instead of the "gay voice" and feminine mannerisms that's expected of me I talk like a guy despite my changing voice and well, act like a guy too. I'm a drummer trying to get a metal band started, which I think will also be the subject of a few journals. As I'm writing this I'm listening to "13" ,the new Black Sabbath CD. I'm loving it too!
Is it bad to like Lady Gaga and Katy Perry? NO! Is it bad for a guy to act and talk like a girl? No! What I think is bad is for other gays to question the "queerness" of another gay because they don't fit the popular, and like it or not, accepted stereotypes of what we SHOULD be. Are there gays into metal? HELLYEAH \oo/ !!!!!! We'd come out but we know better.
They guys I'm attracted to, or better yet want to ravage in ways that I don't think I can write about on here, are not the super skinny muscular ones that are found in gay magazines and porn (yeah I can easily access gay porn...surprised?). They're not the guys in boy bands or the models in magazines. They're not pro athletes either, but I have a thing for middle school/high school/college basketball players and wrestlers in their gear. I'm probably going to write about that oo.
So WHAT and I into?
Fat guys around my age, and I have no fucking idea why I'm into them either? I mean I notice the skinny, athletic guys at my school and at the mall, but when I see a fat guy my age...my brain gets baked and I feel something down below. You know what I mean.
My attraction isn't exactly well accepted. At the few gay teen centres I've gone to around the world telling someone you're into fat guys usually gets a "eww" or "gross!" reaction. If you say that in gay chat rooms it means you're automatically into hairy old men (BEARS), which makes no fucking sense to me at all? I've learned that gay chat rooms are not the best places to spend time in, but that was a hard and very painful lesson to learn.
I've also gotten lucky with a bunch of fat boys( and a fat girl or two) and I just can't describe how great that makes me feel! Most fat kids have self esteem issues, and being with them and loving them (in all ways) is a positive and totally natural thing for me.
I'm excited about finally being a part of Oasis, and I hope that I'll find what I need on here. Maybe I can give some awareness to the more mainstream gays of how it feels to be an outsider among us.