re-introducing myself

Keisha30's picture

I would like to re introduce myself I believe my last entry was misleading I believe people took it as I don't want to be or want to change the fact that I'm gay however my situation is I wish my parents would be more forth coming since they know I figure they would ask me how I'm doing. Yes I turned my life back to Christ but at that time my life was going to shit drinking heavily partying all the time drugs alot happened I just wanted support because it seems I don't have it why can't my parents ask me about me my love life

jeff's picture

Well...

You don't really get to control how your parents react to things.

So, you just live your life, don't hide your sexuality from them, and then how they respond is up to them. They may give you the support and dialogue you need, or they won't, but that isn't anything you get to decide.

Considering your initial post here, how you introduce your parents into things regarding your life often impacts the reaction. If you seem uncomfortable and confused about things, they will react like you are in a bad situation. If you are ecstatic and joyful, they will again follow your lead.

Said another way: If you tell people about your sexuality the same way you would mention being diagnosed with cancer, they're not going to be happy for you. They're going to be concerned for you.

So often, people get the reaction they inspire (as you saw on here earlier today). That makes it all the more important for you to do it the right way...

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"You don't know you're beautiful." - Harry Styles

Keisha30's picture

Your right I have to learn I

Your right I have to learn I can't control the way my parents feel about my sexuality I can only be me and how I talk about my sexuality is how others will receive it

Bosemaster42's picture

Absolutely,

Put yourself in their place, asking your child about their love life can be kind of daunting for most parents, I believe. In fact, it's somewhat akin to opening Pandora's box. Also, they probably would want to know basics like, Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, that sort of thing. Some parents might actually agonize about wording it without sounding like a control freak or a dictator. Some may even be too spineless to even inquire at all. It's kind of funny now, when I think about my Father(prior to his untimely death) trying to have a sex discussion with me in his car. I was 16, at the time, closeted like an old woolen Jacket, and frightened to even consider telling the truth. But I had to chuckle, because I wasn't a virgin, nor was I the least bit interested in girls(other than friends) and here is this Large truck driving man, clearly uncomfortable telling me to use protection if I happen to get with a girl " and the next thing you know..." He was cute about it, but I assured him there was nothing to worry about. My only regret was I couldn't tell him the truth about who I really was. My mom, on the other hand, just kind of put 2 and 2 together with the help of her best friend Esther, who pointedly stated "How come a handsome guy like you isn't dating?" "Your not gay are you?" At that point, I had no choice but to come clean. My mother reacted positively, actually surprised the fuck out of me.

ferrets's picture

aha...

my parents are, by and large, pretty cool about the whole gay thing. but my mum used to ask me ALL THE TIME if i had a girlfriend, or if there was any girls i liked. but once i came out to her...fourish years ago i think, she has only asked me once about the same things for guys. I suppose im saying, i know to some extent how you feel, and it kinda sucks, but ultimately remember that this is hard for them too. they do not know how to react to it, because society/their social group has never taught them how.

anyway, it could be worse. from what i have gleaned, they took it at least without flipping their shit...and alot of parents do flip said shit. i hope that is some consolation.

"A loving man and woman in a committed relationship can marry. Dogs, no matter what their relationship, are not allowed to marry. How should society treat gays and lesbians in committed relationships? As dogs or as humans?"

radiosilence95's picture

Ah, so you've come out to

Ah, so you've come out to your parents, but they're not asking you questions or talking about your sexuality? Yeah, my mom's like that. My dad's pretty open about it, but my mom never talks about it or asks me questions about it. I think she's still hoping that I'm just going through a phase.

Well, there's always positives to consider. At least your parents haven't blown up at you or disowned you because of your sexuality. I think they're just trying really hard to process it. The fact is that they love you, and they'll surely come around. I think most parents of gay children go through a whole denial phase.

You could always try to initiate a conversation about your sexuality with them instead of waiting for them to approach you, but if they respond to that attempt negatively you may want to back off and give them time to process everything. Dealing with parents requires a lot of patience, but like I said, they'll come around :)

jeff's picture

Just an FYI...

Going forward, these are probably better as journal entries than forums.

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"You don't know you're beautiful." - Harry Styles