Welp. Adulthood. (Or, Big Bad Wolf)

Perhaps We Should Leave's picture

So I'm an adult now, getting an adult life and looking for an adult job so I can live in an adult apartment/trailer and go to an adult school so I can... what? So I can what?

Why am I doing all this?

Why am I still here?

I mean, don't get me wrong. I've got a great life. Right now I still live with my massively loving and supportive parents AND my massively loving and wonderful fiancée (I know what you're thinking; oh, yeah, new adult, has a 'fiancée'. Gonna last a month. If you're thinking that, fuck you. Because fuck you.). My massively loving and wonderful boyfriend is in love with my fiancée, who loves him, and we're all getting along fine (I know what you're thinking; oh, yeah, new adult, in the mystical 'triad'. Gonna last a month. If you're thinking that, suck my 7-inch clit. Because fuck you.). I'm making new friends with a couple who I'm very much attracted to and actually appear to find me attractive as well. I'm not fucking dead in a fucking motel room because some fucker decided to fucking knife me instead of paying, unlike one hundred million women out there.

My life is amazing. It is. I should be happy- and for the most part, I am! I'm usually like Mickey-fucking-Mouse, all excited and 'keep moving forward' and 'everyone's good deep down'. Except when I feel like this and the whole world feels like some shitty fucking motel room with some poor dead woman knifed to death by some motherfucking bastard who gets off on killing women. And I'm in so much fucking pain but it's all nothing because I have such a fucking wonderful life, and so if I dare complain that I feel like shit it's a fucking crime and every motherfucker out there has to remind me that I've got it good, I've got a great life, I don't have the motherfucking right to be depressed. Well fuck you too you sick bastards.

I just need someone to take care of me sometimes. And being an adult... it's scary. I feel like I did when I was a little girl, worried the Big Bad Wolf was gonna come and hurt me, so I'd hide under the covers even though I knew it wouldn't change anything, nothing at all... because you can't hide from the Big Bad Wolf.

Help.

Comments

jeff's picture

So...

You're in a polyamorous relationship, you're packing seven inches, you want to be happier, but you can't because some women (100 million seems high) are sex workers who are killed in motel rooms?

What actually prompts you to feel like this? Anything specific?

I think you're allowed to complain AND look to everyone that you have no right to. No contradiction there, really.

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"You don't know you're beautiful." - Harry Styles

Perhaps We Should Leave's picture

No,

More to do with being scared as fuck about being an adult than the actual rant. Mostly I'm just pissed off about people treating each other like shit in general; a highly specified case isn't really the point. Plus I'm mad as a fucking hatter.

And thank you.

* * *

"When an outcome is prescribed, all choices must inevitably lead to that outcome. If there is a Plan, what does that mean for free will?"

jeff's picture

Well...

I wouldn't stress too much about adulthood. It isn't a magical transformation. You just have the same thoughts, fears, insecurities and such as always, and you just keep aging with them. Pretty easy.

At one point, I thought people actually changed and that stuff all gets resolved. Not as convinced that's true anymore.

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"You don't know you're beautiful." - Harry Styles