events of june and july

angel syndrome's picture

i go to the bookstore
and buy books about jim morrison
& patti smith

i romanticize the 70s writers
and what new york
once was

i ask the owner if i can look at the book
in the display
about barbara kruger
(no, only if you buy it
it's 40$)
i don't dare ask about the rothko book
because it's priced at one-fifty

i get arrested for shoplifting
a paul smith sweater
in a department store
i sit sweating & sick with shingles
in the back room
(the doctor made me take codeine
for the pain)

the police officer asks me
what i am learning at school
(i ask if that has anything to do with why i'm sitting in the backseat of his cruiser
he doesn't answer)

my boyfriend relapses
an old lady forgot her purse on the train
and he takes the money

he comes home late
that night
"i'm so sorry
i shot up 80$ worth of cocaine
i should have called
you deserve better"

i walk to the corner store and buy beer and cigarettes
and sit in the pedestrian alley behind the apartment building
i sit and daydream there
until i calm down

i hear news about some junkies i know by name

"kramer's dead
he shot up 3 grams
of china white"

"john's in jail
he got stabbed
within 30 minutes of being there
that fucking thief"

"richard's spending the summer
on the street
pretending to be a punk"

(richard used to be a concert pianist
and an opera singer
now he begs for money
to shoot up)

i guess drugs are not
as romantic or fun or rebellious
as the movies make you think

i eat because
it's unfair to those who care
not to

i read on my way to work
or write on some poems
that won't be read

i am afraid of the world, and what would happen if it became sick

does the sky consider suicide?
does the earth every get dizzy from spinning
& want to stop?

Comments

poetic_star's picture

I missed you :( this is

I missed you :( this is gritty and melancholy in some parts but still holds your incredible voice, especially in the line "does the sky consider suicide?" I love that.

jeff's picture

Yikes...

Lots going on there. One would imagine this outline is only the bad things, though? And you could just as easily write at equal length or longer about the all of the beautiful, fun, caring moments in June and July. ;-)

Always good to get an update from you either way, though.

---
"You don't know you're beautiful." - Harry Styles