It's been a year of college. A lot has changed. It has been a fun, crazy, hectic ride, with full on studies, friends, and some crazy emotional stuff, as well as interesting projects.
Let me get right into the messed up part.
There's this girl I like, a lot. True to my pattern, she is straight. I told her that I am not straight at the end of last semester. She has become a very good friend of mine.
We keep telling each other that we love each other, though I know she means it as a friend. She keeps saying stuff like 'marry me' and 'everyone is pairing up - we have each other!', and I knew to take it with a pinch of salt and not expect her to feel the same way, because she's just like that. Recently, she told me that she read something which was very sweet, described a person who was everything to them, and at the end had 'my only security is knowing that you are a part of my life, and are a true friend and possibly a soul mate. I opened my heart knowing that it could be broken, and in doing so felt a love that was so real that it was scary'.
She didn't write this, but she shared it with me and told me that she thought of me after every line, she thought of the boy she liked after some lines but of me after every line. And then she said, 'Please marry me?'. I jokingly asked her if she was still straight, and she said yes, and we left the matter there after I jokingly said yes.
Now I know I know I know that she is straight, that she does not think of me that way, and I am fine with being just a friend as long as I continue to be her friend, but I can't help but feel a hope every time she says stuff like this, and that is just unhealthy. Do you think I should tell her to stop? But there is no way of saying that without telling her that I love her, which I don't want to do because that might make things awkward and would put the friendship at risk.
I just don't know what to do. Every time I feel like I should tell her just so that she would cool it with the lovey dovey stuff so that I don't think that she is finally into me, I remember that I am putting the friendship at risk.
And also, I cannot cannot avoid her or stop talking to her. I can't imagine not talking to her.