'You're Being Self-Centered' and other disputes

jcryay's picture

This morning, my 72-yo grandmother charged in and demanded I Get Out Of Bed! I wanted to know what she was doing in my room and when she would leave. She sat down and claimed she was staying until I stopped thinking of myself. Did she WANT to come wake me up? Of course not! But here I was, making it all about me.

She continues, this is another example of my attention-seeking behaviour. Any reasonable person would have gotten out of bed and been delighted to see her. But I thought I could get more attention this way. Just like how I couldn't be happy living in my own body, like everybody else. I'm just so obsessed with rocking the boat and getting attention.
My grandmother yells at me for 1hr &1/2 while I'm asleep, mostly about how I have no idea how hard my behaviour is making everyone's lives. When I attempted to explain that transitioning has zip to do with gathering outside attention and my goal is to be MYSELF, she cursed me out.
As I was kicking her out of my house, she turns to me and says that she'll love me no matter what gender I am, she wishes I were happier, I have great potential, and that she'll support me in whatever way I need, even financially, because she's sure treatments aren't cheap.
…?
I say I appreciate that, now leave, and she grabs a box that came in the mail and runs away with it, forcing me to run after her and grab the thing.

I told my (single) mom the tale with indignance. She cried, and said she was considering moving to a town where no one would know I had ever been anything but male. Thing is, my mom's been put through the parental wringer before. She lost custody very unfairly, and worked hard to rebuild her reputation and get my bro and I back. She's exhausted and broke and doesn't want to fight the system. And now I feel horrible, because I have been selfish. I shouldn't take how much she cares for granted, and while she doesn't always accept, she's an amazing parent for trying. I guess I'm a little more hopeful?

Comments

jeff's picture

Hmm...

Someone lectures you for an hour and a half questioning how you learned to make everything about you?! Irony alert...

This video contains a pretty reasoned response to "Where did I learn to be self-centered?"

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"You don't know you're beautiful." - Harry Styles

MacAvity's picture

Ugh

I'm sorry...

Tycoondashkid's picture

some people

im sorry

Yamamoto's picture

I am sorry, but not in the

I am sorry, but not in the way everyone else is... because really your story is a bit too vague for me to judge who is at fault. Then again, if that was someone barging into my house, apartment, living quarters that I own, etc.

Even if it is my grandmother, and believe me I have one who is a alcoholic... I would have stood up and told her that she needed to check her tone right then. Not to sound mean, but seriously... It would have been faster to put a stop to it instantly and get her out of the place... and get back to sleep if you know what I mean ;) Taking peoples shit when you can handle a situation and stop them from giving you shit safely is just stupid. Way to much stress on you during a time I am sure that is already stressful, and usually you will find that it does make you feel a bit better :).

Hope you are doing well... Some people are just stupid... sorry that happened.

jcryay's picture

Believe me, I try.

This isn't the first time things like this have happened, but outright telling her to leave tends to make her wilder and more determined (such as when she grabbed my package). Anyway, I prefer defending myself rationally, because it provides an opportunity for intelligent discussion rather than a shouting match. To be fair, though, it was morning, and my defenses probably weren't all that coherent.

Yamamoto's picture

Jcryay if this is an on

Jcryay if this is an on going problem, then despite her being your relative that police involvement might be the best solution. Next time she does something like that I would simply call the cops and file a police report, because people who act in that erratic a manner... usually have no desire to handle things in a rational discussion. :)