This morning, my 72-yo grandmother charged in and demanded I Get Out Of Bed! I wanted to know what she was doing in my room and when she would leave. She sat down and claimed she was staying until I stopped thinking of myself. Did she WANT to come wake me up? Of course not! But here I was, making it all about me.
She continues, this is another example of my attention-seeking behaviour. Any reasonable person would have gotten out of bed and been delighted to see her. But I thought I could get more attention this way. Just like how I couldn't be happy living in my own body, like everybody else. I'm just so obsessed with rocking the boat and getting attention.
My grandmother yells at me for 1hr &1/2 while I'm asleep, mostly about how I have no idea how hard my behaviour is making everyone's lives. When I attempted to explain that transitioning has zip to do with gathering outside attention and my goal is to be MYSELF, she cursed me out.
As I was kicking her out of my house, she turns to me and says that she'll love me no matter what gender I am, she wishes I were happier, I have great potential, and that she'll support me in whatever way I need, even financially, because she's sure treatments aren't cheap.
I say I appreciate that, now leave, and she grabs a box that came in the mail and runs away with it, forcing me to run after her and grab the thing.
I told my (single) mom the tale with indignance. She cried, and said she was considering moving to a town where no one would know I had ever been anything but male. Thing is, my mom's been put through the parental wringer before. She lost custody very unfairly, and worked hard to rebuild her reputation and get my bro and I back. She's exhausted and broke and doesn't want to fight the system. And now I feel horrible, because I have been selfish. I shouldn't take how much she cares for granted, and while she doesn't always accept, she's an amazing parent for trying. I guess I'm a little more hopeful?