I could have been a famous singer, if I had someone else's voice...

swimmerguy's picture

but failures always sounded better, let's fuck it up boys, make some noise!

Salutations, my friends. You may remember me, I forget how long it's been since I've been here and don't really care enough to check...

Anyway, I'll just do a quick run through of the haps, what I've been doing since summer:
-Went to Indonesia over the summer. It may sound fun, but my parents chose the old-person bus tour, which essentially means it's America, only with better food, warmer climate, and interesting animals. Still fun, but really, it was ruined by the setup.

-Also went to camp over the summer. Made one of the best friends of my life, from Taiwan, but as always happens with these things, had to leave him after a few short weeks :'(
I hope to see him again in several years when he can come back to work there, and me too.

-Spent time climbing mountains. Lots of fun.

-Back in school now... 5 AP classes... Doing frisbee and soccer and all that fun stuff... Got a job, sign-waver at Value Village. Here's to entering the second lowest tier of society, raised from the level of unemployed scum!
(Getting a job is hard.)

-And, like usual, I've been reading The Economist quite regularly, and other historical and philosophical books. Always good.

-Also like usual, I'm still single. Which I'll talk about now.

There's this awesome guy who I'm like 97.2% sure is gay. I don't think I really talked about it last time I was here, so here goes:
I've known him for a while, but he's a grade younger than me (I'm a senior this year), so I would only see him at common activities, i.e. orchestra and swimming.
So last year, we were at this required orchestra dance shindig, and me, being single and not very cultured in the art of waltzing, I was in the corner playing solitaire (freecell, to be exact.)
This guy, let me think, I'll just call him B til I think an appropriate name for him, B comes over, one of the few other unpaired guys, and I'm totally fine with this, just some acquaintance, someone to shoot the shit with.
So we talk for most of the dance, and somewhere in conversation, not very gracefully as I remember, he says he heard I was gay, and asks if I am. Why, yes, of course, I say.

So that's all fine. Effortless.
But then, not long after, we were on an overnight orchestra shindig down in Oregon. And he kept wanting to hang out with me, talking to me, doing stuff with me.
I honestly couldn't figure it out. This is just some acquaintance that, even if I like him, I don't know him that well. And he obviously had plenty of friends, I could tell, (sometimes people with few friends hang around me, because I, both as a flaw and a virtue, tend to indulge people who annoy me for a lot longer than most other people.)
I wasn't sure if he just imagined we were better friends than we were or something... He even had us go on a walk, away from everyone else, and talk about shit.

It honestly wasn't until we got back from this shindig it hit me: A week after learning beyond a doubt I'm gay, this until-now obscure, if cordial, acquaintance wants to hang around me, even to the exclusion of closer friends. Coincidence?
Unfortunately, like I said, he's a grade younger and since I didn't swim last year there were limited interaction opportunities. And I just didn't have time to make any, and I forgot about him.
Til I saw him again this school year, and it all came rushing back. He still seems interested, suspiciously for one I know so faintly.
So, I already hooked some of his closest friends into the frisbee team, and he said he might join when done with driver's ed.

Beyond that, I'm contemplating doing swim again this year, which would provide plenty of interaction time, and even more non-awkward, non-suspicious opportunities for creating more.
I'm thinking hard about it, B is only one factor. Another is a coach I loved who apparently will be the diving coach, a guy I haven't been able to catch up with in years, and I miss.

And I really do like swimming, there's something to it.
But at the same time... the coach is a hardass. His sole employment is swimming related things, being a school lifeguard coach, swim team coach, and club swim coach, and swimming is probably the only passion he's ever had. (He's married though, gotta give him that.)
But he considers everything secondary to swimming. If you have schoolwork, it's come to swimming, then do your homework as best you can.
If anything else interferes, he expects you to come to swimming, every day, sometimes twice a day, Mon-Sat.

And I love swimming, but I've become a much better rounded person since I picked my account name. Now I love frisbee, soccer, piano playing, politics and history, and especially mountain climbing.
I'm taking 5 AP classes, am on 2 sports teams already, play 2 instruments, and use every spare day I can manage to climb mountains, and every spare moment to read history or politics.
I'm going to be starting a time-consuming job soon, probably Chinese classes outside of school, and maybe a rock climbing course, come December.

I already have tons of fun things I love in my life, and though I love swimming and would love to incorporate that as well, I just don't know if I can make that my focus, now that I've found the excitement in branching out from my one-sport existence freshman year. (During the winter, I swam 2.5 hours a day for school, then went to club swimming for 2 hours more and another hour of dryland strength training. Probably read my journals from that time, I was tired all the fucking time.)

Hm. I thought I didn't need Oasis any more, but it is nice to have a place to muse I don't often get anywhere else, and I'm too lazy to keep a physical journal...


jeff's picture


Nice to hear from you, especially since I got sober with Facebook, etc., heh.

B is probably definitely gay. Beyond that, you don't really have to come up with reasons to interact with him. He didn't with you, so seems like that dynamic already exists. You can approach him, say hey, and talk.

To that extent, the dynamic also exists that he just straight up asked if you were gay. So, if you did the same, there's no issue. Obviously do it in a setting where he could tell you the truth. You can even be a bit bolder as the "out" one and say "So, are you gay, too, or am I crushing on another straight guy?" We already know he's not anti-gay, and probably gay, and seemingly interested, so may as well give him some incentive to come out: you want to date him. If he wants the D, he only has to come out to you. Pretty low bar for a big reward... well, average reward.

If you're a senior and not angling for a swimming scholarship or anything, can't you just tell the coach you want to swim, but it isn't your life, so you'll give it attention, but it's not your be-all-end-all? Set the ground rules in advance. If he says no, and you don't want to do it like an obsession, forget it?

Also, on B, not sure where in your high school experience a boy you barely know approaches you, discusses your sexuality, and then comes around more to talk... I mean, what art of that doesn't make him seem completely gay, and potentially gay for you?!

And, of course, you get bonus points for Bright Eyes.

"You don't know you're beautiful." - Harry Styles

swimmerguy's picture


You love that album too? That's delicious!


jeff's picture


I saw Bright Eyes a few times during that period. I know he played that at a 2002 concert I was at, in a smallish San Francisco club, before he really broke through. It was on the Lifted tour. My favorite song from that period, or at least the one that hooked me was "Don't Know When But A Day's Gonna Come," just because it seemed so ambitious and assured for someone so young. That whole album remains my favorite of all his stuff...

He was amazingly prolific, though. He played Road to Joy and I'm Wide Awake, It's Morning that night, and they weren't released on album for another 2-3 years.

After that show, I had to keep seeing him at bigger and bigger venues, so it was nice to get the small, intimate show at least once.

"You don't know you're beautiful." - Harry Styles

elph's picture

What a pleasant surprise!

"Swimmerguy" has returned! No one can be more pleased than Elph... others --- I'm confident --- follow very closely behind! :)

I'm confident that when the word gets out, you will find that many of your friends of old will stop by and welcome your return... these, as well as many new ones.

During the doldrums Oasis experienced at the end of the past school year... plus the many outages and slow response times, many "regulars" just faded away.

But... Oasis is much more vibrant and reliable now than you will have ever remembered it to be: New server and updated software!


"B" sounds intriguing... maybe a tad more elaboration? From the way you tell it, it sounds like he'd like to be viewed as a close friend (despite his being a year younger)...

And... I'll certainly encourage you to pursue Mandarin (I have two young family members who have become quite proficient).

hellonwheels's picture

Glad you're back, chad.

Even if it's just for an occasional stroll through the journals and pages here.

Glad you have been out enjoying the many mountains this area has to offer dude. I didn't do as much hiking as I would have this summer...but I got camping and MTB trips in. Hopefully you will figure out B's intentions real soon....but it sounds like he wants to give you a B-j? lol.

welcome back man.

Mental wounds not healing, driving me insane, i'm goin' off the rails on a crazy train- the ozzman

radiosilence95's picture

Welcome back, sir. You've

Welcome back, sir. You've been missed. Glad you're busying yourself with activities of both mind and body. Being well-rounded is a definite positive.

Perhaps We Should Leave's picture

Well well

Nice to see you again, old chap! It's been awhile since this tired old lass laid eyes upon your lithe, supple text. I'd love to catch up sometime.

* * *

In conclusion,

I am the Walrus, koo-koo kachoo. Q.E.D., bitches.