my new life is pretty far from perfect.

lordmomofenixed's picture

I like to pretend that everything is just peachy, that growing two years older has just magically made life perfect. But it hasn't. I'm still me. I'm still just that kid with chronic depression. I'm in love with a guy who truly loves me for once, But I know for a fact that he is going to leave me one day because of his disorder. It's something that is definitely going to come true. And I can't stop it.

It probably wouldnt be so bad if I didn't love him so much. Or if he didn't love me. Also, it would be easier if I werent me. No one wants this. Edwin doesn't want thus, if he did, all of his personalities would love me. My birth mother didn't, neither does my mother now because I'm just a fraudulent deal... even after 18years together. Jakey, Jamesly... people I really care about, they all don't want me. The only people that do are horny creeps that want my body for a night... or thirty minutes. :/

So I'm just kinda here. Not really sure who I am, where I am going, or What I'm doing. And there is my depressing rant for tonight. OK, I got that out. Let's carry on. I want to hear happy stories, people. Please, make with the happy.

Comments

Bosemaster42's picture

It's too easy,

to blame yourself for the failings of others. If your birth-mother didn't want you, that sucks, but it's not your fault. Your step-mother obviously doesn't understand you, what does she mean by 'Fraudulent deal'. Is she saying that because you haven't lived up to her expectations?

lordmomofenixed's picture

yeah... i was super depressed when writing this....

And said a lot of stuff i shouldnt have. But my birth mother gave me away, apparently right after being born. My adoptive mother has had me since i was about two. But me turning out gay, she feels like shes been tricked. Like someone tricked her into having a gay baby.

a psychotic pencilist, moe

Bosemaster42's picture

Wow,

That's unfortunate. I guess you just have to make your own way. Which, can be considered positive, depends on your perception. So, your boyfriend has multiple personalities? I suppose you would have to deal with each one he display's differently? Just curious.

lordmomofenixed's picture

MPD in this case....

Is super stressful. One of the personalities hate me and th others are kinda just there. He calls them his brothers. I'm kinda OK with that, because I sometimes have unstable moods. But with him, he's not always the person I love and it really hurts when I need him most. I've grown used to it over the years, however. I'm just afraid that one day one of his personalities will start a relationship with a girl (because those personalities are straight) and he will have to leave me for another family. I cant handle tje thought of that, and its the reason why ive been tearing myself to pieces for the past month.

a psychotic pencilist, moe