That was a terrible goodbye.

radiosilence95's picture

I made it seem like I was gonna dramatically exit the site for weeks, but three days later here I am. Classes and clubs and whatnot don't start until Thursday, so for now other than the mandatory orientation meetings, I've found myself with an abundance of free time.

Not gonna lie, the first two days were a bit rough for me. Being such a homebody, I did get homesick. I was almost in tears several times. And the fact that everyone's already formed their groups of friends really amplifies how terribly withdrawn I've always been and probably, to some degree, always will be. But, y'know, it's not that I am utterly incapable of making friends. I just need classes and clubs to start and I should be a-okay. And there's nothing wrong with being a bit more isolated than most people, as long as I don't let it get out of hand. Plus, I've already made friends with a few dorm mates, all of whom are Tumblr fangirls. Which is fine with me, although I usually find fangirls a tad annoying.

Seriously, this one girl specifically is the exact stereotype of a Tumblr dweller. Socially inept, spends most of her time, y'know, on Tumblr away from people, goes nuts over way too many fandoms like Doctor Who and Sherlock and anime. But you know, she's nice, she's quirky, we have a considerable amount of things in common, and I enjoy her company. Same with the other girls. I just refer to her specifically because she's the most fangirl-y Tumblr-y person out of the friends I've made thus far.

My first night here was a mess though. We had an awful storm that actually gave us a five-hour blackout. Which meant no working fans and no open windows during one of the hottest weeks this year. Seriously, it's been in the nineties for the past week and won't cool off till this weekend. So I could barely breathe. On top of the terrifyingly loud thunder and complete lack of oxygen AND lack of electricity, the lightning hit too close and a fire alarm right next to our dorm went off and nobody could turn it off for a complete hour. I probably got about four hours of sleep, if that.

But yeah. The transition has had its rough moments but not it's not unbearable. Showering is awkward because the showers are lined up so that it's almost impossible to get out of the showering area without moving a curtain the wrong way and seeing someone naked, so I try to shower late at night when no one else wants to.

Also, I'm taking three classes per trimester because that's just how it goes here. AND all the classes I wanted are taken, so that's a thing. Astronomy, cognitive and social psychology, etc. So I have to settle for a math class, possibly an introductory course in fiction writing if the professor will allow me in without the prerequisite, and a course in Buddhism. Honestly, it feels like my first trimester is gonna be a total waste. I can't even take a course in psychology for right now because everything is full. Winter term should be better, according to my adviser.

Entering college has shaken my certainty in my future plans to be honest. It's not that I have absolutely no clue what I'm gonna do, but I'm more open to a change of plans than I previously was. I'm still sticking with psychology and creative writing. I still plan on being a therapist in a homeless shelter for LGBTQ teens, which I realize is oddly specific and I might have to be open to more opportunities in the therapy field. I still plan on writing on the side. BUT it could all change and I'm cool with that.

Problem is, I've given zero thought to graduate school. I just stupidly assumed I could find a career in therapy with a four-year degree. I'll have to do more research, but I'm worried that I'll be fucked after graduating because graduate school sounds expensive and this four-year college is expensive enough. This college alone is gonna put in about 40,000 dollars in debt.

Basically what I'm saying is that I've been so certain in my plans for so long and college has made me rethink all of it.

But that okay! Everything is gonna be okay. I will make friends (I pretty much already have), I will start dating (no cute girls yet, but I'll find a few soon I'm sure), and I will figure everything out. I just need to adjust.


jeff's picture


So, you get to see other naked girls in the shower and you're trying to avoid it?!

"You don't know you're beautiful." - Harry Styles

Super Duck's picture

Maybe none of her floormates

Maybe none of her floormates are hot! There's only one on my floor I'd be interested in seeing, hahaha.

radiosilence95's picture

Jeff, none of the girls in

Jeff, none of the girls in my suite are attractive. Come to think of it, I have yet to find a freshman here who I've felt any attraction to. I have seen my roommate naked though. She just kinda strips naked with no hesitation. But maybe I'll meet a really cute upperclassman....? They move in tomorrow.

College is so weird. It's just complete strangers living together while desperately trying to avoid awkward situations.

Super Duck's picture

I'm really glad mine doesn't

I'm really glad mine doesn't do that because objectively speaking, she is attractive, but I don't think of her as a "hot girl" because I feel like that has the potential to be ultra awkward.

Definitely check out the upperclassmen! The sophomores seem to be the cute ones at my school.

radiosilence95's picture

I honestly don't feel the

I honestly don't feel the whole nudity thing is any more awkward for me as a lesbian than it is for any other girl here. Everybody tries really hard to avoid seeing or showing too much. Except my roommate, apparently.

I have a feeling I'll be dating, or at least trying to date, upperclassmen. Hopefully this isn't like high school and dating a freshman doesn't make you a pariah or something.

Super Duck's picture

People formed friend groups

People formed friend groups already in 3 days? I'm friends with nearly everyone on my floor and we had barely even talked to each other at that point.

Adjustment is hard. The first couple of nights I was here were scary, but now I've been here over a week and it's awesome, so don't worry you'll adjust soon!

That sucks you couldn't get any of your classes you wanted. At my school if you're a certain major you HAVE to take certain classes pertaining to it each semester. So I guess it's kind of like you're guaranteed a spot? (Although that particular spot might be at a crappy time.)

radiosilence95's picture

It just sucks because when I

It just sucks because when I compare my own social capability with the other freshmen, I feel...behind, I guess. Like everyone else can just start up a conversation about anything and turn it into friendship, whereas it normally takes me awhile to warm up to someone. Plus I suck at making small talk. All in due time.

Well since I'm going to a liberal arts school, they want you to take classes that will give you a more well-rounded education that isn't strictly focused on your major. So my schedule is kind of a bunch of random classes lumped together and it'll probably be like that every year. I think that awesome, how the college manages to give students the opportunity to explore random things while being able to work on their majors.

Super Duck's picture

Yeah, I definitely get what

Yeah, I definitely get what you mean. I'm not really that great at making the first move when it comes to talking to people. (I didn't even talk to that girl I kinda like today after telling myself ever since Friday that I would... But she was listening to music before class so I didn't want to bother her.) I have yet to learn the art of small talk with strangers. With my friends/acquaintances, it's fine, but I suck at meeting new people!

Oh, okay! That makes sense, then. I go to a huge university, so I guess it would be different.

Bosemaster42's picture

Sorry Duck,

But, I have to be a PIA(pain in the ass), when you say to yourself or anyone else for that matter " I suck at meeting new people" You are kind of already setting yourself up for failure. It's better to say, " I'm not as good as I'd like to be at meeting new people" When you identify with failure, guess what happens? Just food for thought.

MacAvity's picture


I knew you'd be back... Glad you are.

Really, though, and I'm sorry this is the case - the dorms are the best place to make friends. Classes and clubs - I've never had much success with them. Good to hear that you've made some friends, even if they are kind of stereotypical - fangirling can be annoying, I know, especially when your fandoms don't overlap, but it does make for some of the very best icebreakers when they do.

Dorm showers are awkward, but you'll get used to it... and it probably helps that you're not attracted to anyone there. That would really be awkward.

Again, good luck and HAVE FUN!

radiosilence95's picture

Really? Huh. I know for a

Really? Huh. I know for a fact I'll be joining the LGBTQ club here, and I figured that would be a fantastic way to meet people and...maybe a cute lady or two? I dunno. I just really don't want my suite mates to be the only friends I make here. And, like I said, they're nice, but I really don't want to spend all of my time talking about Supernatural or Teen Wolf.

I've actually been super lucky with the shower situation. My suite mates mostly shower in the morning and I and like two other girls prefer night showers, so it's super easy to have the showers to myself.

Y'know, I've always discomfort with sharing showers and bathrooms with a lesbian warranted? Some would say it would be the equivalent of sharing that personal space with a male, but...I dunno. Obviously, I'm not going to perv around. I just wonder if, when my suite mates know of my sexuality, they'll be super uncomfortable.