(Unwanted)Roots (Dante)

Rejects's picture

I wrote in the introduction that we might say some things that could shock or offend some people, so don't get mad at me if that happens.

As a group we have many secrets, and being gay is the common thread we share. I have secrets too, but these are kept in a more secure place.

I'll just say it: I'm half Black, but you'd never know it looking at me. Not half African-American (I don't know anyone in Africa, sorry). Not half n-word either (I fucking hate that word even more, and yes I've been called it!). Caramel Baby? Yeah, I heard people say that one. Like I wrote before, all this race shit doesn't really matter to us.

I've been living with my grandma for as long as I can remember, but she's not the bake cookies and talk about the 1950's type of grandma. She had my mom as a teen, and my mom continued the tradition. People always think she's my mom when they see us out together, and I think she takes that as a compliment.

What I know is my mom and her best friend/boyfriend had a really bad fight and to get back at him she went to a rough part of the city with a friend of hers to "have some fun". She met a guy, got knocked up and made up to my dad. She knew she was pregnant and hid it until she couldn't anymore, and when I was born my parents decided not to get married until after he finished college.

Truth is my "dad" couldn't have knocked my mom or any woman up, and the tests they did proved it. My "real" father told my mom that I was her problem and wouldn't have anything to do with me. Is anyone here surprised by that?

My grandma disowned my mom, and my grandma took me in to keep me out of foster care, which is where I would have ended up. Mom got into drugs and sleeping around with whatever guy came around, and one day grandma got a call to go to the hospital as quickly as she could. Mom was dead before she got there.

I don't want to tell much about what happened to her but the man who's responsible for her death is my real father. One day he'll leave prison in a box.

I fucking hate him!

My grandma and I never talk about "him", he doesn't even have a name other than "asshole", and I'm okay with that. That waste of oxygen doesn't even deserve a name.

The only people in my life that know I'm half Black are my grandma and godfather (I wish he was my dad everyday!) and the members of The Reject Club. We don't keep secrets from each other, and I think that's why we're such close friends.

Oh, I forgot…now YOU know my secret.

I'll write more about being biracial and gay in the future, but for now I need to stop. And maybe I was wrong, maybe your race does matter?

Dante

Comments

radiosilence95's picture

I'm really, really sorry

I'm really, really sorry about your family situation. I'm sure you already know this, but your parents don't define you. Their actions do not reflect on who you are. Your grandma sounds like a great lady, and she's your true family. Never take her for granted.

Also, thank you for sharing your story with us. I can't wait to read more from you guys.

Bosemaster42's picture

I wish I could say,

I'm shocked and surprised by your evolution, but I've heard many similar stories. Your racial makeup isn't even an issue. Unfortunately, children created by irresponsible people in this country has been pretty common since the 70's(perhaps even earlier than that). The children are the ones who always wind up suffering. I'm sorry about your situation, but you can rise above all that shit and be who you want to be.
Your Grandma is obviously trying to do right by you and it's also good to have the support of your Godfather. I understand your hatred toward your real father, but don't allow that hate to consume you, rather, use it as motivation to be better than him. You're already better because you recognize him as an 'Asshole' for what he's done and he deserves the name, quite frankly. Thank you for sharing your story.

jeff's picture

Hmm...

I know you said in advance that you might say some things that would shock us... but like we all said, that is unlikely to happen.

I'm sure in the 1970s, mixed race stuff was shocking. Now? Honestly, after you promised to shock us, and then said you were half-black... I kept reading to get to the shocking part, and then I hit the end...

Of course, a good rule of thumb is that the people who write shocking things never warn you in advance. ;-)

Race doesn't really matter all that much to a majority of people.

---
"You don't know you're beautiful." - Harry Styles

Rejects's picture

Shocking?

When I'm with my friends (the other members of the Rejects Club) we're real open about this stuff. But on here it's scary because we now know other people can read this and know our secrets. It's a big step for us because none of us are out to our families.

I read some of the other Reject's journals and felt that maybe they should rewrite some of the things they said, and they agreed with me. I'm the only one with free online access because of some stupid things that happened, so swapping flash drives or sending texts is the only way they can post on here.

What two of them (Noah and Aaron) wrote I thought was too sexual and I asked them to redo it so they were telling the same thing but not so raunchy. Their initial journals were filled with some scary shit that I didn't think was a good idea to post on here. We appreciate being here and we don't want to cause any trouble. As soon as I have their rewritten journals I'll post them.

Thanks,

Dante

We're a group of middle school students and best friends who started The Rejects Club, a place where we can just be ourselves. We are: Dante (biracial and gay) and Drew (F2M).

Perhaps We Should Leave's picture

Very little is 'too much'.

In my experience on this site, it's nigh upon impossible to write something shocking. If it's sexual, just say so in the title. No need to re-write or censor one's self. Of course, don't post anything that might put you in any legal danger.

In any case, I haven't said 'hello'. So cheers to you and welcome to this lovely community. May they be as kind to you as they have been to me.

Also, if it helps, I was in middle school when I first started lurking on this forum, and now I'm a high-school graduate who hasn't yet gotten herself blown up in a freak accident involving an Furby™ and a microwave.

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"When an outcome is prescribed, all choices must inevitably lead to that outcome. If there is a Plan, what does that mean for free will?"