'Loveless sex'

Perhaps We Should Leave's picture

This is something I'm kind-of curious about. I don't quite understand how sex could be loveless, not because I don't have sex with people that I don't love beforehand, but because I love the people I have sex with while I have sex with them.

For me, the act of sex is an act of pretty incredible intimacy and connection, but it doesn't strike me as something that should be kept locked-down and kept for only the most precious of people. I want to feel connected to people, and I want to be intimate with people. Sex is a way to relate to people, to link yourself with them in a way that normal interaction doesn't facilitate. Why should that be held back?

Connection with another sapient is such a hard thing to achieve, and it's one of the things that at the very least convinces me that people are worth loving. I feel that to connect with someone, no matter how briefly, is to truly love them. Even someone who is hated can be loved. So how is it possible to have 'loveless' sex? Is it truly possible to derive so little emotion from such intimate contact?

I've been with many people, even with my consent, but the worth of that connection has never faded. I'm not judging those who experience sex differently- I'm just trying to understand.

(NOTE: This was inspired by lordmomofenixed's post mentioning loveless sex. Apologies for two posts about sex in a row.)

(SECONDARY NOTE: I'm not trying to imply that sex is the only form of connection, just one of them.)


jeff's picture


Usually this idea that there is meaningless sex, or that people wouldn't have sex unless they were in love first, comes from some place of classification based on morality, fear, or somesuch. You saying you're in love with them during the sexual act doesn't contradict someone who wants to be in love with someone before that point, or that other people will reserve some sexual acts for when they are in love or a relationship.

I do think some people can disconnect and just use someone else's body as a meatsleeve for what is essentially masturbation, or there are people who clearly aren't having a mutual connection. They are out there...

So, whatever enables that connection has to exist first, but then yes, it is highly intimate and fun and connected. From a language perspective, I wouldn't probably call it love, since that is a loaded term and if you're in mid-trick and start dropping L-words, you may cut your trick short.

But you definitely can see people without pretense, without their story, without filters and, of course, without their clothes -- and there is certainly the possibility of transcendence with that much openness and vulnerability.

"You don't know you're beautiful." - Harry Styles

Perhaps We Should Leave's picture



But yeah, I see where you're coming from. Also, I don't generally use the term with people I don't know well enough for them to know what I mean. My friends generally understand that I have a weird way of looking at things, so the word 'love' is about as useful to anyone besides me as the word 'Pumplesquash' is to me- it might mean something, but it depends on the user.

* * *

The woods are lovely, dark, and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
and miles to go before I sleep,
and miles to go before I sleep.