A relatively short one.

radiosilence95's picture

About a week ago, I started talking to this girl. When I say talking, I don't mean face-to-face. Let me put this into context: one of my closest friends here, Sarah, a suite mate, has a friend from back where she lives who happens to be a lesbian. So she tags us both in one of her tweets, saying the two of us should totally talk, and the three of us get into a conversation on twitter. Deciding to be smooth for once in my life, I say that twitter is a terrible place for conversations, the girl adamantly agrees, and I get her number.

We start texting. I look at her twitter page. She's cute. She plays bass and guitar, she sings, listens to grunge and rock (according to my little sister this already makes her the perfect girl). We've been texting for five days, one long conversation that spans around four hundred texts. We're getting warmed up to each other.

Problem(s), because there always is one:

I don't like texting her. Not because I'm not into her, but because I can't really truly get into her when all we've done is text. I can't read her expressions, can't enjoy the nuances and the simple fulfillment of face-to-face conversation. I don't know what her voice sounds like, I don't really know what she truly looks like (pictures rarely do a good job of capturing a person's essence; I oftentimes find that the same person can look very different somehow from picture to picture). I'm already finding myself impatient. I NEED to see her in person before anything more serious is considered.

Oh, and did I mention that this town she and Sarah are from is five hours from where I currently am? So it's not like I can just drive there all the time every weekend. I am, however, planning on staying a weekend with Sarah the next time she goes home. I don't know when that will be. Probably not until November because all of our weekends for October are booked. I really have no way of knowing when this girl and I will meet in person.

I mean at first I was super excited about this communication. But now I just don't know. I have absolutely know way of knowing what her impressions of me are, all I have to go on is our texts. Gawd I hate texting being used as a tool to get to know a person. I can read your messages but I'll never really know you unless there's more. My only impression is that we are very alike. We both love the same kind of music, both are gay (derp), both are introverted, and both enjoy reading and writing. We seem almost TOO much alike, but like I said, I just can't read her very well when all we do is text. It's very...frustrating, I suppose?

And of course my mind will someimes go all Catfish on me. What if she doesn't like how I look? What if she just doesn't like me in general? What if we were both expecting something different? It's easy to come off a certain way when it's just texting, in-person communication is a whole different monster entirely.

I guess I'll just have to wait and see how things end up. I know Sarah had the best of intentions when she set me up with this girl, but it's hard to develop genuine affection for someone whom you've only gotten acquainted with through text so far. Thing is I don't have any hopes about this, and I don't have any doubts either. It's weird, but I'm just...texting her. Not jumping to the future very often, not making speculations and whatnot. It's just an all-around weird, unfamiliar situation and I don't know what to make of it. I don't know if I'm really into this girl, I don't know if she's really into me, it's just friggin' weird.

But hey, maybe when we meet sparks will fly and we will become lovers. I do not know. Like I said, I have no hopes, delusions, fantasies, doubts, fears. When I reflect on this whole thing here in this journal, I reflect on it with detachment.

Comments

jeff's picture

So....

If you met someone on campus, you would date them? Or you're taken?

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"You don't know you're beautiful." - Harry Styles

radiosilence95's picture

If I met someone on campus

If I met someone on campus who I was really into, yeah, I would date her. This girl and I are not in a relationship...yet? I feel like meeting her in person will bring a lot of clarity to things, but who knows when that will be, so in the meantime I'm just chillin' basically.

jeff's picture

That's cool...

Just didn't want you holding out for some online LDR when you could be finding someone two floors away...

---
"You don't know you're beautiful." - Harry Styles

radiosilence95's picture

Yeah, I'm not committed to

Yeah, I'm not committed to anything or anyone right now. To chain myself to this girl, whom I've never even met in real life, would be slighting myself. I'm open to anything, really.