I have to write about something that's a big part of me, well at least my gayness, but I really don't get it. Maybe some of you can help?
I have a gear fetish. I get hard looking (and thinking) about guys in jockstraps-especially with cups-and sports uniforms. And if I can see their underarms...damn that makes me superhard! When that happens, as much as I don't want it to it makes me feel like a freak.
Of The Rejects I'm the smallest and the oldest, and believe me size MATTERS. I'm barely five foot tall, and guys my age don't want to play sports with me anymore because I'm a little kid to them. It's tough, because I've been into sports my whole life and now the only thing I can do is cross country and track. At least there something I can participate in! I used to play spring and fall baseball, but now "I need to grow some" before I tryout again. The day I was told that by a baseball manager I ended up crying myself to sleep.
My body is at Tanner Stage 1, and damn it sucks to even think about that. I really don't know how the Mohel managed to give me a Bris because there's not much there to work with. I don't think condoms come in my size either. Even Drew's stuff is bigger!
I think the first time I noticed gear was when I was in the locker room after last period gym changing and a older football player came and in stripped in front of me, and when I saw him in his cup my heart started beating so hard I thought I was going to die. He was so close to me that I could smell him and when he left to go pee I snatched his undies and hid them in my backpack. At home I thought about what I saw and after a lot of debating sniffed his undies and I got that funny rapid heart beating again and touched myself. The sensation I got was so strong that I fell asleep and was woken up by my worried Mom. I remember her telling me I needed to go to bed earlier!!!!
I have a small collection of pics of guys my age in gear (no porn) and the other Rejects have even let me take pics of them in gear too, for...well... inspiration. (Dante looks so damn hot in a wrestling singlet, and Drew in a basketball uniform...real inspiration there!). I've been able to talk to them about how I feel, and we really don't keep secrets from each other. I'm sure some of you are wondering if we "do" anything, and yeah we do. That's how much we trust each other. it's not like I have many people interested in a "little boy" like me.
Do anyone else have this issue, and if you do, how do you cope?