Yeah. It it did.
Recently, I decided to come clean about the whole feelings thing. Just told her 'I like you'. Initially she was like 'I can't not be friends with you, I can't be in college without talking to you, tell me what to do to make it fine, should I not speak to you about guys, what stuff should I say or not say..' and the like. So I just said that nothing has to change, I have no expectations from you and understand that you're straight, and I didn't take the stuff that you said and the closeness as anything but friendship. And nothing has to change except that you could possible stop saying stuff that alludes to more than a friendship stuff that she normally does (but she does it with all her close friends.)
But now, she's saying that she feels discomfort when I'm around, she keeps weighing her words and stops herself from speaking when I'm around, and she stopped talking to me. I confronted her and asked her what changed, and she said that I let her be flirty and stuff, and why didn't I say something before, all the stuff that she used to say in jest sounds so wrong now, and stuff like that, that we can never be the same again, and stuff. And that whatever I did, I did because I liked her in that way.
So I said that it's okay if we are not as normal as we used to be, but I can't believe that she is ready to just cut me off because of this. That there is still hope, that it is possible to make things better. That I can't help the feelings I have but they are not as important as the friendship and the love I have for her. And that whatever I did for her was not because I liked her in that way. And I asked her what I could do to help her out, and she told me to give her space and treat me like her other friends.
She is possibly feeling very betrayed and disgusted by me because we were very close and I let her say that stuff to me. She doesn't seem interested in making this work at all despite the stuff she said to me just after telling me. And that is breaking my heart more than anything ever could. I don't know what to do without her. I can't believe that she is ready to chuck me so easily, after just two weeks. We've been there for each other through everything. I just don't know what to do. There's nothing I can do, really, except to go on with my life, but honestly there's this big hollow in my heart. She has told me that she will work on being normal, but the rare times that we meet now, she hardly makes an effort to even reply to me. She doesn't even look at me, like I've disgusted her beyond anything else. I always knew that I'd have to be free of the liking bit, but I never thought she would chuck me like that.
So that's it. I'm just fine through the day but I've never cried so much in my life. Don't know what to do. Anyone with similar experiences? To me all I can do seems to be to let her be, hopefully she comes around. Have I really done something so wrong? And till then I have to somehow get through this semester. And the next. And the next...