THIS FUCKING JOURNAL ENTRY CONTAINS EXACTLY 44 USES OF THE WORD FUCK INCLUDING THIS FUCKING TITLE SO IT IS PROBABLY NSFW

Perhaps We Should Leave's picture

I counted.

So, that fucking fucker Pat has FINALLY finished that fucking novel that he was writing. Took him long enough. Anyone remember Pat? Good times, those times. I mean, besides how fucking awful they were for me mentally. I was fucked. But yeah. Pretty good times.

Oh yeah, I'm feeling a little bit profane. Why? Because fuck you. That's why.

Okay, fine, it's because I'm more than a little fucking annoyed at myself for getting myself involved in a certain situation that I don't care to talk about right now.

But yeah. Other than that... Time to update you on the lovely life of Greer Stewart, Female Reincarnation of Baron Byron VI, Singer of Freaky Songs, And Fucker Extraordinaire, Esq.:

GETTING A FUCKING JOB: HUZ-FUCKING-ZAH
Probably gonna end up with a job as cashier thanks to connections, hallelujah. I need the cash and need the job, if not only for a little fucking structure in my life. I can't just stand around the house all fucking day.

ROMANCING THE FUCKING STONER: GETTING SOMEWHERE, MAYBE

My beloved kind-of-ex, D, continues to express his interest in getting back with me once my life is at a point that I can take care of myself. I'm getting to a point where I'm almost there- and he's been noticing. I'm hopeful about this, and I can't wait to spend more time with him. I sometimes hate how much I love him, but I fucking love the fuck out of him. He's the most decent man I've ever met, and the only man who has ever understood this magnificent fucking mess that occupies my head. He may not be a saint, but saints wouldn't like or understand me, now would they? No, perhaps he's not a good man- but he's the best fucker I've ever met, and I love him for all those things that most of you would probably find horrible. Partially because all of those things are part of who I am. Fucker Extraordinaire, indeed, hah!

SELLING AN OLD PIECE OF MUSICAL FUCKING FURNITURE: GETTING A FUCKING ACCORDION

Not much else to say about that. One of my old instruments has been neglected lately, although I maintain it fairly lovingly for all its memories. Tuning and occasionally playing it to let it know I still like it. Nonetheless, it'd be put to better use in someone else's hands- time to get the instrument I've wanted since I was a little girl.

TRANSITION MOVING ON REALLY FUCKING WELL: I'D PROBABLY BE ABLE TO STAR IN TRANSGENDER FUCKING PORNOGRAPHY

But I'm not, because if someone calls me a shemale or tranny they inevitably end up with their tongues torn out and served on toast with afternoon fucking tea. In any case, almost nobody mistakes me for a boy in public anymore.

THAT FUCKING WELL REMINDS ME: FUCKING TRANSMEN ARE NOT ALLOWED TO USE THE FUCKING WORD TRANNY

Seriously, you fuckers have not taken the fucking brunt of society's hate and y'all disappear easily and often. The word isn't used about you, so you can't fucking reclaim it. Do it and I'll tear your fucking teeth out one by fucking one until you drown in your own fucking blood. I'm glad we're clear on this now.

THIS IS ANOTHER FUCKING FORMULAIC TITLE: THIS IS ANOTHER SUBTITLE UTILIZING THE FUCKING WORD 'FUCKING'

My boyfriend C is doing well, too, although he's still quite needy and clingy at times. I still love the fuck out of him, even when I'm not leaving beautiful fucking bruises on his beautiful fucking body.

THIS IS A FUCKING CONCLUSION: FUCKING FUCK.

So yeah, my life is pretty good.

Comments

jeff's picture

Jeez...

One needs connections to be a cashier these days?! Fucking Tea Party...

So, being called a tranny is the only stumbling block to doing porn?

---
"You don't know you're beautiful." - Harry Styles

Perhaps We Should Leave's picture

Where I live...

One needs connections to be a fucking cart collector at fucking Target.

And yeah, pretty much. That and the possibility of STDs. Other than that I'd be pretty cool with it and I've seriously considered it.

Also, I always love the things you manage to pick out of a fucking journal.

* * *

The woods are lovely, dark, and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
and miles to go before I sleep,
and miles to go before I sleep.

jeff's picture

Hmm...

There is a prevalence of barebacking in porn these days, sadly. I'm not sure how the industry handles that stuff, but I do know one porn star if you want to inquire. Of course, I knew him as a San Francisco waiter who kept his clothes on...

Never watched trans porn, since the audience is "straight" men, but are they pretty condom-free, typically?

I reply based on what interests me, and seems like a launching pad for discussion. Some bits seemed self-contained and not requiring comment.

---
"You don't know you're beautiful." - Harry Styles

Perhaps We Should Leave's picture

"Straight" mean?

Really? I always assumed it was for folks who don't give a fuck who or what they fuck, like me. I thought straights stuck with Sasha Grey and Faye Reagan and such.

There does tend to be come barebacking, but there's also a good amount that uses condoms. Most of the ones I can think of off-hand use condoms, though I usually focus on the bodies and skip the closeups, so I could be wrong.

* * *

The woods are lovely, dark, and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
and miles to go before I sleep,
and miles to go before I sleep.

jeff's picture

I'm going...

by Dan Savage. He said trans porn is for straight men, since gay men are interested in men so there's no real appeal to breasts on a guy's body, whereas a straight guy with secrets or tendencies is more likely to use the breasts and femininity as an anchor to heterosexuality, even while enjoying there being a cock attached. I'm paraphrasing.

People who don't give a fuck what they fuck are off getting laid, not needing porn. ;-)

UPDATE: Here is some text from the Savage himself: "Gay men aren’t interested in shemales or shemale porn, and gay men don’t patronize shemale escorts. Shemale porn/escorts are almost exclusively consumed/patronized by straight guys who are into cock, or would like to get into cock, but are absolutely, positively not into other dudes."

---
"You don't know you're beautiful." - Harry Styles

Perhaps We Should Leave's picture

Needing porn...

And watching it anyways are two different things.

Well, Dan Savage is actually a transphobic shithead, so I wouldn't take his opinion on anything involving trans issues, even something like that. Although I rather can understand that idea; apparently much of the shotacon genre of hentai is marketed toward the straight male demographic, due to the feminization of the objects of the work.

But seriously, Savage doesn't know what he's talking about on trans issues, and mentioning his name in any conversation about transfolk will probably evoke rage from at least one person who knows what they're talking about.

EDIT:

The fact that he uses the word shemale is proof enough. I am sure you're aware that it's totally unacceptable to use that term.

* * *

The woods are lovely, dark, and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
and miles to go before I sleep,
and miles to go before I sleep.

jeff's picture

Yes...

I realize that trans people all have decided to dislike him based on, as near as I can tell, their own retelling of his views based on old columns from the early 90s that blogs have deconstructed without any sense of context, and certainly without actually reading or listening to him talk about these issues.

To label such an ally as transphobic is, honestly, without merit and one reason I question the viability of broad acceptance of the trans community in its current form. If he's the enemy, ya'll aren't going to have a lot of friends.

And, yes, I've seen the blogs ripping him apart, and they're all pretty weak stuff. Not to mention them questioning how he spoke about trans issues using the current, preferred terminology but using columns from before that language was standard to prove their point. It's seriously weak stuff. He's completely trans-friendly and inclusive to a fault.

As for his use of the term, he repeats the term used by the people who write to him for advice, since he wants to answer the actual question and not make every column an education about language. Again, something he regularly points out when questioned about it in his column and podcast. But since the trans community only cuts and pastes the stuff they like, those words are unlikely to land in the clipboard, since they are off-message. ;-)

Here is Dan describing one of the many attacks based on him being allegedly transphobic.

---
"You don't know you're beautiful." - Harry Styles

Perhaps We Should Leave's picture

Heh.

Admittedly, I know what I'm told about the man.

I couldn't care less about the guy's opinions, so if what you're saying is so, more power to him. I'm pretty wary of 'social justice bloggers' as a rule (being dear friends with a couple of them and knowing just how fucking obnoxious they are in real life), so I probably should've done the research. In any case, thanks for telling me. I'll avoid talking about him at all, because honestly it doesn't matter much.

Honestly, I'm of the opinion that 'social justice bloggers' actually cause more harm to the trans community than help...

Although, as for having 'friends', I'm rather of the opinion that the trans community is too fucking split within itself to find 'friends' who don't already like them. There's the Old Guard of gender-essentialist fuckers who are at odds with the younger generation of MTFs... And then there are the FTM folks who largely stay silent and let the MTF folk take the brunt of public hate, because they can disappear easily AND society actually accepts them far more readily (as an FTM friend of mine likes to say, 'It's a lot better for a woman to want to be a man than vice-versa'). Do keep in mind, though, that I'm angry and sleep-deprived, so this rant is probably a lot meaner than I'd usually put it. I may resent those factions within the trans community that I disagree with, but they're still far closer to kin than you gay fuckers. ;)

* * *

The woods are lovely, dark, and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
and miles to go before I sleep,
and miles to go before I sleep.

jeff's picture

Well...

Since I was at an Andrew Dice Clay concert last night (I have diverse tastes, heh), I think I can comfortably speak to the thought process of the heterosexual man in a way that will illuminate this issue for you, and illustrate the problem in what I fear is its accurate way.

The stereotypical straight male sexual worldview (in order of acceptance):

Gay Trans Girl - There's a penis, and she likes women, I have no role here. Not really on the scale.

Straight women - I fuck them
Bisexual Women - I have a shot at fucking them, and a potential threeway with another female friend of hers
Lesbians - Given the right circumstances, I could still probably fuck her, and see three way potential above
Gay Trans Guy - Honey, if you want to call this gay, and there's no bottom surgery, be my guest
Straight Trans Guy - There's still a vagina in there, so I could still fuck her, although the odds are admittedly against it
Openly Gay Guy - Get the fuck away from me
Bi Guy - Worse than gay, since he could date women and still check you out. Too stealthy.
Straight Trans Girl (No Bottom Surgery) - Looks like a hot chick, and there's a penis. I'm not gay, what am I supposed to do with this situation?!
Straight Trans Girl (Bottom Surgery) - I'm happier with this, but still, this used to be a guy. Does this make me gay?

So, it takes a decided turn at gay men, IMHO.

---
"You don't know you're beautiful." - Harry Styles

Perhaps We Should Leave's picture

Hmmm...

Can we gather all of them together for an amazing orgy? Minus straight guys, they're dull as fuck.

* * *

The woods are lovely, dark, and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
and miles to go before I sleep,
and miles to go before I sleep.

anarchist's picture

Why do you say you're a girl now?

Has your opinion changed? Two years ago you were male.

Perhaps We Should Leave's picture

Well...

Two years ago I didn't have estrogen flowing through my veins and a pair of glorious tits.

But all joking aside, within the past two years I went through basically discovering I was trans and then transitioning. Somewhere in there I also felt that I was completely inhuman but preferred a female body anyways.

So my opinion has only changed in that I had a realization and came out. Good question, though.

* * *

The woods are lovely, dark, and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
and miles to go before I sleep,
and miles to go before I sleep.