Work is having a seriously detrimental impact on my quality of life. I was standing on the edge of my balcony, and I knew in a fit of anger I could've thrown myself over. Instead, I called my boyfriend, and I ended up yelling at him, which didn't help. That was almost the tipping point, but instead I took a deep breath and stepped away. I called him again, just so I had someone to talk to, somebody, anybody. I felt so vulnerable, and anyone who wanted to help me at that moment I just thought they were patronising me, irrational thoughts raced through my head and in a long time I wanted to take a knife and slice myself open. Again, I stopped myself, I just stood there, I talked to him, I was so defeated and angry, I wanted to make myself suffer so that it wasn't somebody else, and I stood there. I lit a cigarette and leaned over the edge, and as I glanced down I felt calm. I was talking to him, I didn't want to talk to anyone, I didn't want to tell anyone all these fucked up things I was feeling, but I did, and I said "Baby I just need to talk, or I'm going to hurt myself". I did not hear a single thing he said back to me. I stood there gazing into the distance making pretend conversation. Nothing was on my mind, nothing. I told him I was okay, and all I could feel was hopelessness. I locked myself in my room and I will sit here.