Shyness

lonewolf678's picture

A few days ago I felt lonely. Friends all busy and such, as I should be. Usually that isn't a problem for me, I just occupy myself with any projects or independent research. But that day I just had no idea of what to do, it was pretty horrible. I cried a little too, but a few hours later I felt fine. Perhaps it was too much sugar or something I ate.

I was also thinking the previous day of maybe going to the LGBT community center in the city to just meet some new people. People who I could relate to in terms of common struggles and LGBT political issues. I wasn't sure of if I should go or not. For some reason I felt like I'd be too out of place, I usually had that problem fitting in anywhere.

I then decided maybe going to gay bar would be better, I have no fucking idea why I thought that might be better. So I quickly went over every horrible scenario that I hear about bars and decided I'd do myself good to stay in one place where I feel safe, home. I wasn't happy about it but I figured it was for the best.

It's much better than going to bar and being called a tease or something awful like that. Or being hit on and not knowing it, and apparently I can unknowingly lead someone on. Here I'll make the reference of bad crush. Yeah, apparently I lead him on unknowingly. I just wanted to make a friend, but it didn't turn out that way. So I'm a tease? :\

Granted bars probably aren't what they're made out to be. But now typing this out I've got the insane idea of observing what bars are like. Perhaps I could study the various bars around my city, maybe I'll even find one that suits me. Of course that may take weeks, if not months and it's far too time consuming now that I think about it.

Then there are so many that open late in the day, which is to be expected. Nothing but headaches on that one. At this point I'm going to consider the LGBT community center again, it's likely the more legitimate place to meet people. lol

Comments

jeff's picture

Well...

I think Amazon really helped people see how the world works. If you go on their web site and look up any book, you will see people review it. But the interesting bit is that there are usually a lot of five-star reviews and one-star reviews, and way less in the middle. And that is a lot like life.

About any experience, you are likely to hear from the people who love something or hate it. A lot of that covers social groups and gay bars. There are people who go to groups and rail against cliques and not feeling welcome, etc., etc.

Hell, we even were accused of having cliques on Oasis in the past, since people who were in a habit of being online at the same time would comment on other people who just posted around the same time as them every day. So, was it a clique, or did they just get in the habit of commenting on the most-recent posts, and that was usually people in their same time zone who wrote journals around the same time as them? Some people couldn't be convinced there wasn't a clique.

Same with gay bars. You hear amazing times and horror stories, but rarely from the people who went had an OK time and went home. Even the gay gym scene gets critiqued like this. I went to the gayest gym in the gay neighborhood of San Francisco, and people would always ask how I could go there, since everyone was so stuck up and horrible and elitist and etc., etc., etc., and honestly, I had no issue working out in poor shape surrounded by people who could be (and often were) hookers, porn stars and models. Many were totally friendly, let me work in with them, even showed me some form corrections on machines, etc. They were totally nice.

In most cases, the baggage you bring to an event will prove to be true. You'll be far better off going and seeing what something is, without expectation.

To be fair, if you want friends and not dates, that can be hard to parse in a bar. Many people go to bars looking to hook up or find someone they are attracted to, err, or so I hear! ;-) On that front, you have three options. 1) Be very clear when you talk to people that you just want to make more friends, although people will still not entirely believe you. 2) When you do go to bars, try and approach a big group of friends who are there together, and talk to all of them. If you're just joining a group, and not looking like you're really trying to hook up with one of them, then it can be more social. Plus, it gives you easy conversation: How do you all know each other? Is this the club you prefer? What are some other good ones? and such. 3) If someone accuses you of misleading them, give them a 'sorry, my bad' handjob to show you're not a prude and are sorry to have given them the wrong impression.

Hmm, maybe you should stick to two options... I'll let you pick which two.

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"You don't know you're beautiful." - Harry Styles

lonewolf678's picture

Thanks,

really appreaciate the information.