Well it seems that I failed at another thing in life, just like so many others. They found me before I died and I had to go to the hospital and treatment, and well like so many other times that I have been before, I faked my way through it the best I could. Pretending to be happy is easy, because they can't read your mind and frankly at this point there isn't any help they could have given me anyway. Luckily for me I was able to stay on the same meds I have before, because I know my psychiatrist really well. Though at this point they have added another disorder to my list of problems. I think it has something to do with the paranoia that I suffer from. I am not really sure at this point... and was hardly listening to what they said.
I just wanted to let you guys know that I am alive, and have decided that I have to get my pleasure from somewhere, and I am started to wonder if I may be psychotic or something, with as much pleasure as I get out of torturing my cat. Heck at least it something in my life that makes me smile. Her screams of pain and hisses are certainly the most amusing part. I degrees though, because I am certain if I continue I will only get a barrage of hate from people who will never understand, and never did understand. That is the problem with humans... absolutely no ability to understand... or to even show an ounce of kindness. Oh sure you guys are nice on this website, but it is simply the nice equivalent of the 'internet tough guy'. I am quite sure most of you would bully me offline, or simply ignore my very existence like everyone else.
All I ever wanted was a real friend, who wasn't going to treat me like a complete ass... or take advantage of me sexually or otherwise. Just another reason I stopped being around other guys like myself long ago. None of you can keep it in your pants for five seconds enough to get to know someone, and frankly the next guy that comes on to me has signed his death warrant. I will put my taekwondo to good use on him in a heart beat, and believe me my round house constantly break my Master's kicking bag, so you can believe that it will take your head off. I think it would probably feel pretty good, and I am not afraid of death so the cops wouldn't be able to take me alive either, but again I will degrees for the above reasons because from here on out it just becomes a rant that is my stream of conusiness.
I just wanted to let certain people know that I am still alive, but not doing well. Your well wishes worked, but only in keeping me alive... Which I really wish people would stop trying to do. My problems will only get worse until I actually hurt someone one day... and death is responsible choice for a faggot like myself. Before anyone says that I would create something good, or that life would be better... unless you consider a body trail to be good or that people's lives will be better because of having another psychopathic time bomb walking. Then frankly you are wrong...