The Break-Up Cycle?? For the dumper??

DarkestValley's picture

I've been looking up Break-Up cycles on the web, and whilst they all seem fair enough they don't exactly seem to be true. And theres not alot of information out there for the dumper. Everything seems to be for the dumpee. Now I know it would probably be foolish to assume every heart break is the same, because it is not, but still I'd like some sort of ball park figure as to what I am about to go through?
Soooo for all you dumpers out there what was it like? Did you feel pain straight away? Or if you didn't when did it start to kick in? Did you try and get them back after a while?

At the moment I feel fine, which is contrary to when me and Jake used to have our little fights every now and then and he would break up with me, in which I would feel absolutely devastated. I sometimes listen to sad music now and then and try and cry a little bit because I feel that's what I should do, and I guess if I really think about it and what it all means I start to feel physically sick in my stomach, but usually that's at night and I take a Xanex. And I like the Xanax, I just take it whenever I get sick of thinking about everything and I dont dream on it so I don't wake up feeling like shithouse, because I just dreamt of him so I feel good and rested while feeling a little disappointed when I come to the realization I am no longer with him, in the way I had once hoped and longed for.

Thanks in advance,



radiosilence95's picture

Well, even if you are just

Well, even if you are just looking for an estimate on what you can expect to endure after a breakup, you really can't find one in the internet, because everybody feels and thinks differently. It'd be kind of like Googling "what to expect after a family member's death." I mean, people just grieve differently. If you feel numb and don't feel like crying, don't force yourself to cry because you feel like that's what you should do. Just let yourself feel, or not feel, and don't deny what you're feeling, but also don't force yourself to feel something you don't truly feel.

Also, Xanex is for people with chronic depression and anxiety. And it's prescription only. So I'm hoping you do have chronic depression and/or anxiety, and have been prescribed it by a doctor. And are aware of the possible side effects. Turning to a drug (that you don't actually need due to a chemical imbalance in your brain) to get you through a difficult time in your life is unhealthy.

jeff's picture


Stop trying to figure out what you *should* be feeling and just worry about what you do feel.

Obviously you'd feel worse if he dumped you AND you wanted to get together, rather than you having enough of him and leaving him. How can those two things compare, really? In one, you wanted to be in the relationship and weren't, and in the other you wanted to be out of the relationship and are. So, yeah, they feel different, because they are completely, entirely different. ;-)

It sounds like you're still mourning the death of the relationship with the person you had hoped he was going to become, without bringing in the fact that he never was that person and figuring that out led to the breakup. So, you're trying to mourn the fantasy but your emotions are triggered by the reality, hence the disconnect.

As for Xanax, as I've said before, if you mute your lows, you also lower your highs. Pain is a necessary, transformative part of life. So, I have no advice how to avoid life through chemicals or steps on the Internet, I'm afraid.

"You don't know you're beautiful." - Harry Styles

lonewolf678's picture


just you thinking about breaking it off already means to me that you're ready. Whatever you feel after is unique to you and only you. I don't know how your partner will feel but it's probably not going to be good after. Know it might be a messy breakup, but if you're really sure it needs to end, so be it.

The worst thing you can do is keep a relationship and be unhappy. Sometimes it just doesn't work out.

DarkestValley's picture

This is true! I have asked

This is true! I have asked for some space from him and he has respectfully given that to me, I have said we will see where the space takes us, I haven't seen him in a week now and im going to Bali with my friend in two days for two weeks, so I think after then me and him can both see what we're feeling and if we want to break up. I think either way it's healthy for this space, and I hope it won't be a messy break-up! :)