The Pressures I Face, And How I Cope With Small Town Boredom

Brady's picture

I want to start by thanking everyone who made comments on my first posting here, it feels great to be welcomed like that and I hope I don't disappoint anyone with what I write.

I wrote a bit about my involvement with sports and Boy Scouts, and those are the main things I'm involved with. Playing ball is a great release from the monotony of this boring area, but it also takes up a lot of my life. Sometimes too much, especially football. I'm good at it and my friends and school rely on me to play, but honestly it's my least favorite sport, and having to play offense and defense takes everything out of me. I would get killed for saying this but I love when football season's over, and dread when it starts again.

Basketball is my favorite sport, with baseball a close second. I love the action and running and having to make split second decisions in basketball, and just the difficulty of baseball keeps me interested in it. I'm not a big fan of many pro athletes just because of the attitudes and the drugs and stupidity, but for now playing gives me something to focus on besides the other things in my life. Being a athlete is tough enough, being a gay athlete is even harder. I know I'll write about this on here quite a bit.

My Dad always tells me that school is my job, and there I deal with tons of pressure. I'm popular, people already say that I'm going to be the valedictorian, and I'm a good student even though the classwork bores me to tears. Our school district is poor and it shows in the ancient computers we have and the lack of updated textbooks. I spend as much time online doing research and reading as I can. I know that if I want to escape this town I have to use my brain, and it's not going to be stimulated at school.

Girls are another pressure that I have to deal with. For some reason there's more boys than girls at my school, and being a popular athlete makes me a good "catch". I have a "girlfriend" who's secretly a F2M trans but everyone just calls her "funny" or "The Freak". Alex is a close friend of mine and someone I care deeply about, and the fact that (s)he has a pussy makes my lack of girl chasing acceptable. Everyone knows we're a couple and they question what I see in Alex, but that doesn't stop the girls at school from trying to get me.

Girls give me their panties on a regular basis (which become presents for a nerdy straight friend of mine) and I've had several girls tell me they'll do whatever I want if I go out with them. That drives me insane but I have Alex as a smokescreen, and so far nobody's ever questioned my sexuality, just my taste in girls.

I should mention that Alex is a short haired, A-Cup tomboy who always gets confused for a boy. Now the attraction should make sense, and s(he) is how I really discovered my gayness. I'll write about that soon, I promise.

I'm enjoying this site, and glad that I can write on here. I have to sneak on here to write my journals, but I'll do everything possible to become a regular contributor.

Brady

Comments

swimmerguy's picture

The plot thickens...

You don't like the sport you're in. I can understand how that can happen, at least for a while, certainly. The last 9 months I was in swimming I was not a huge fan.
For me, school is boring but real easy, so there's that. But that's cool if you want to get out of... Whatever state you're in. I'm just going to call it Kansas, in the absence of any other info... Sorry if that's offensive or something, how all plains states aren't the same, but not having been there, to me they kinda are.
And I don't think I've ever heard of or even thought about a gay guy being with a f2m, it's an interesting concept.
And I don't remember how I "discovered my gayness".
Like I always kinda knew I liked boys, and not really girls so much. I guess it took a bit before I accepted that wasn't going to turn around, and even longer before I stopped pussyfooting and called being gay like it is.

Brady's picture

Football is really rough,

Football is really rough, maybe not as tough as wrestling, but it's just totally drains me. It stopped being fun a long time ago but I have an obligation to my school and friends that comes before my own needs. I just have to deal with it.
We don't have a swim team at my school or the high school because we don't have a suitable pool to use. Kind of suck because I like seeing guys in Speedos : )

I'm a bit on the tall side so basketball suits me better than wrestling, but I really love wrestling! My best friend Tanner wrestles and not only is he good but he's so hot in his singlet : ) I will write about him soon, just other things I want to talk about first.

Nothing offensive about Kansas, been there many times and love it! Beautiful place.

Brady

anarchist's picture

Sucks that you don't have a swim team.

the guys over there must be really ugly, then

Brady's picture

Actually, most of them are

Actually, most of them are good looking. There's lots of hillbillies and "cornfed" guys here, but lots of "scenery" to enjoy.

Skinny dipping is real common here, especially in farm ponds. I mean who's going to see you, the crows?

Brady

anarchist's picture

I go to one of the ugliest schools ever.

Out of three years attending here, I have only been attracted to five guys. All the others have been either ugly or way too normal. They all have boring personalities and try to look identical. I don't get why the idiots in my area willingly destroy all individuality they ever had, but it makes me feel uncomfortable.

elph's picture

On your affections for one who is FTM... :)

You may find this discussion of interest:

http://www.thebacklot.com/ask-jt-advice-dating-trans-man/01/2014/

Good luck!

anarchist's picture

Basketball is cool.

You're completely right about the spontaneous decisions. It's amazingly fun to play a sport so fast and unpredictable, especially when it isn't an official match, but just a small unorthodox game among friends. My personal favorite, though is volleyball. It's faster than basketball, it's something I'm actually good at, no blocking is involved, and everything is very definite, controlled, and direct so very much for me. Anyway, this is getting off-topic and irrelevant, so good luck escaping the reds. I don't see why you can't leave the area without that much brainpower, but you seem to have it planned out, so I'll try not to question that.

Brady's picture

Being smart is the ticket

Being smart is the ticket into a good college which equals a good job, anywhere but here.

Volleyball here is strictly a girl's sport, and Alex has play on our school's team since 7th grade. (S)he looks like a boy in the uniform, and people always make comments about her(him)...until she goes for kill shots : ) I like playing it, it's a safer sport but still challenging.

Brady

anarchist's picture

I'm good at volleyball.

As long as I'm in the front. I'm complete shit at playing in the back. It's awful that they'd exclude such a fun sport from half of the population there. Over here, girls just don't play any sports in PE (the only time when I actually play sports, as lazy and lonely as I am). It's always just a bunch of guys playing. There have been a few girls in the volleyball teams, but only to stand around and talk; they didn't try to actually play (and when they did, they'd either miss entirely or hit the ball way out of bounds every single time).

Brady's picture

There's just not enough

There's just not enough player's to have a boy's team, but the girl's are really good. They're also super intense. Volleyball for girls is a scholarship opportunity, and another chance to escape here. And, damn Alex looks good in that uniform : )

Playing the net's great and it's where the action is, and that's Alex's favorite position. (S)he has super strong legs, which might have something to do with all the wall squats we do together : )

Brady