Dracofangxxx's picture

vomiting through my nose, i choke
panicked gasps and still my shaking hand;
35 pretty red lines marking my hips today-
slices upon thickened scar tissue, my
musical ledger lines waiting to be notated.
i told you my trust was not to be given;
only auctioned to the highest bidder
willing to excersize extreme self sacrifice

you looked at me with honeyed eyes,
forgetting who you are,
and handed me an IOU


jeff's picture


Just figured I'd say hi, and that it's good to see you writing on here again, girl...

"You don't know you're beautiful." - Harry Styles

Dracofangxxx's picture

i only write on here when i'm suicidal anymore

so i guess that's good

elph's picture

Anything that works!

Don't do it! If not for yourself, for everyone else!

Dracofangxxx's picture


if i did it, it would be for everyone else. not the other way around.

elph's picture

I'm fearful that you...

may have mistook my intention: I meant for you to "stick around" for both yourself and for all of your current friends and future loves!

I've been in that group... somewhere... for over 4+ years, and I have no thought of ever leaving...


swimmerguy's picture

Sorry if I'm being unhelpful


I know I haven't been helpful, for a long time. But listening to this, preferably while drunk, is an emotional experience of epic proportions.

swimmerguy's picture

Or if you're angry

This is the obvious choice:

I swear, if you're really hurting, I would totally hang out with you. I'm busy, but I swear I won't flake out.

Dracofangxxx's picture

Thank you

both of these pieces are fucking awesome. Symphony #9 mvmt 3 is the kind of slow hecka layered piece that I like to listen to the most. Kinda reminds me of the Mahler we played a while back.

I'd hang out with you whether or not one of us was hurting, even if I have no idea how to communicate with you anymore hehehe. but if you like the booze... I guess we have something in common!

I have unlimited texting on my phone and have for a while so you're always free to hmu, but I do understand how busy you are <3

elph's picture

Take him up...

on his offer! I feel swimmerguy is quite sincere!

Here's another selection from a much earlier Beethoven in which many say that his great symphony lies gestating. This is all one slowly developing theme, so it requires listening to the very end. (There are many other versions on YouTube.)

I hope you enjoy!